


Chasing Your Demons

by samlapiana



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Budding Love, Childhood Friends, Demon Dean, Eventual Smut, F/M, Mark of Cain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-16
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-10-05 23:41:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 28
Words: 27,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10320248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samlapiana/pseuds/samlapiana
Summary: You thought you had left Dean Winchester behind you. After what he did, who could blame you?But, when Dean is in trouble, his brother and your childhood best friend calls for help. You're mad, but that doesn't change that you care about them.Soon you find yourself helping the younger Winchester and getting closer to him again. Dean has changed, but you want to help bring him back to who he was. If it works, though, what will the future hold for you and the brothers?





	1. Chapter 1

You plunged the knife into the shifter’s heart, splattering blood on your face in the process.

Once you were sure it was dead, you got up and wiped your face on your sleeve. _Great. Another jacket I have to try to get blood out of._

Being a hunter sure as hell wasn’t all candy and roses. But it was your job—your purpose. Saving people from the supernatural was more important than ripped jeans or bloody coats.

The shifter you had just killed had been parading around town as its victims. It would take them, kill them, then mess with their families’ heads. The worst part: it always chose victims that had young kids.

Once you tracked it down it had gone pretty easily from there. Silver knife to the heart and it was dead. You dragged the body out of the little house you had found it in and into the woods just behind the back yard. You burned its body and went back inside to clean up. As you were washing your hands at the kitchen sink, your phone rang.

You quickly dried your hands and looked at the caller ID. You didn’t recognize the number, but you almost never did anyway, so you answered.

“Hello,” you asked, balancing the phone between your ear and your shoulder.

“Y/N.”

You froze at the voice, nearly dropping the phone. You hadn’t expected to hear from Sam after everything that happened two years ago.

“Sam?”

“Yeah, it’s me. You busy?” He asked, sounding troubled.

“Uh, no, just wrapping up a shifter case. What’s up?” you asked, your heart in your throat. If Sam was calling you, it was probably nothing good.

“Well, I…It’s just…”

“Spit it out, Sammy,” you said, fearing what he would say.

“Dean’s missing.”

Your heart sank at his words. “Missing?” You asked.

“Well, more like he ran away,” Sam said, sounding awkward.

“Dean? Run away from you? That doesn’t sound like him,” you replied. You grabbed your bag as you talked and headed outside to your Jeep.

“Well, he’s not exactly himself right now. Listen, I know things ended pretty weird between you two, but I could really use your help.”

 _That’s an understatement_ , you thought to yourself. “You know I should just say ‘fuck you’ and hang up the phone, right?” You said out loud.

“Yeah, I know. But I don’t know what else to do.” Sam paused, and you knew he was probably running his hands through his hair—his classic stressed-out move.

You weren’t sure you really wanted to get tangled up in the world of the Winchesters again, but you could tell that Sam was desperate. Why else would he have called you?

“Okay. Text me your address, and I’ll be there.”

Sam breathed a sigh of relief. “Thanks, Y/N.”

“Yeah, you are gonna owe me big. I’ll see you soon.” You were about to hang up when Sam stopped you.

“Y/N, there’s something else you should know.”

“Okay, what is it?” You asked, curious.

Sam paused, clearly not wanting to tell you whatever it was. “Sam...what?” You asked, dreading his answer. He breathed another heavy sigh.

“Dean is a demon.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

You sat in the bunker’s library with Sam, listening to everything you had missed the last few years. He explained everything: Abbadon, the Mark of Cain, and finally Dean being killed by Metatron.

“God, what an idiot.”

“Who, Metatron?” Sam asked.

“No, Dean, with the Mark of Cain. This is what he always does. He sacrifices himself for ‘the greater good,’ and now look at where we are.” You said. Though you were mad at him for what he had done—both two years ago and now—you couldn’t help but feel a little warmth in your belly at his bravery.

“I know. He likes to put the world on his shoulders. But Y/N, he’s saved me more times than I can count. I have to do the same for him,” Sam said, looking down at his hands.

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” you said, tilting your head toward the ceiling. Dean had done the same for you in the time you spent with him. He always put others first. “So, what leads do we have?”

"Well, I spoke to Crowley not too long ago, and that’s when he told me Dean is a demon. I traced the call to a bar where Dean was, but ended up getting caught up in something else before I could get there. Now I’ve got nothing again.”

“I see. Caught up in what?” You asked.

“Some guy wanting revenge on Dean for killing his monster-dad way back when. Joke was on him, though, because demon-Dean was not interested.”

“Okay. Anything else?”

“He doesn’t want to be found,” Sam said, pulling out his laptop.

“Well that isn’t too surprising. Even as a demon he’s looking out for you.”

“I’m not sure if he wants me to stay away so he doesn’t hurt me or because he knows I’ll try to cure him. Probably both.”

You heaved a sigh. “Well, Sammy, I’m sure it’s both whether he knows it or not.” You reached your hands up and rubbed your temples, trying to prevent the headache you could feel coming on.

“Are you sure you’re up to this? If you don’t feel like you can help me, I totally understand,” Sam said, placing a hand on your arm.

You looked at Sam and gave him a small smile. “You know, I’m pissed at Dean just like I have been for the past two years. But that doesn’t change the fact that I care about you two. So of course I’m going to help, Sam.”

“Thanks.”

“So, where is Cas in all this?” You asked. You hadn’t seen the angel in a while. Back when you were hanging around with the brothers you saw him all the time due to their obvious bromance. But since you’d left, you had only seen Cas here and there when you would pray for his help on a case. You knew the angel had a soft spot for you, and the two of you had a connection from the moment you met. It got even stronger when Cas started understanding humans a bit better.

“Well, last I talked to him he honestly sounded like shit. I’m not sure what’s happening to him, but I think that borrowed grace is doing him more harm than good,” Sam explained.

You felt sad thinking of Cas like that. He had always been so strong and powerful.

“Well, one messed-up being at a time, I suppose,” you replied.

“To be honest, I’m not sure where Dean is. At all. I’ve been searching everywhere, torturing demons...and I’ve got nothing.” Sam hung his head, dejected.

You placed your hand on his big one, rubbing your thumb over his.

“We’ll find him, I promise. And I’ll be here every step of the way. You don’t have to do this alone anymore, Sam.”

Sam looked up at you and smiled. You felt so bad for him. He really took everything bad that happened in life to heart. Like he blamed himself even when it wasn’t his fault.

“Alright,” you said, squeezing his hand before letting go, “let’s get to work.”


	3. Chapter 3

_Four Years Ago_

_You rolled over and looked into Dean’s beautiful green eyes. “Mmm, good morning,” you said, your voice still laden with sleep._

_“Mornin’, he replied. He pulled you in for a kiss that was light and tender._

_“Can we just stay here all day?” You asked, snuggling deeper into his chest._

_“I wish we could, darlin’, but those Leviathan ain’t gonna gank themselves.” He placed a kiss on the top of your head. “For what it’s worth, though, I’m so glad this finally happened.”_

_You smiled and closed your eyes. “It’s about damn time. I’ve known you for a long time, Winchester, but I definitely didn’t think you’d ever see me as anything besides the gangly daughter of your dad’s hunting buddy.”_

_“Please,” he said, rolling you over. “You’re beautiful, and I’ve known that for a long time. I just didn’t do anything about it till now.”_

_“Well, just so you know, I’m not about the one-night-stands. I am either in your life or I’m out,” you said, leaning up on your elbow to get closer to his face. You thought you’d see panic in his eyes at the sound of commitment, but only saw caring._

_“You know, I think I may be past that point in my life anyway,” he said, devouring your mouth in another kiss._

_You both decided the Leviathan could wait a little longer._

 

* * *

 

  
Present day

 

Sam

Sam closed his laptop and signed, leaning back in his chair. He ran his hands through his hair.

_Where are you, Dean?_

“Hey, why don’t we go grab something to eat? We’ve been at this for hours, and you look like you could use a break,” you said. Sam looked up at you to see an encouraging smile on your face. He was glad he had called you.

Looking for Dean had been difficult. Sam felt like he had used every resource he had and still came up with nothing. Calling you had been a last-ditch effort, and he was prepared for you to tell him to go to hell and just hang up.

_Not that what happened was my fault_ , he thought to himself. He was afraid you hated him by association, though. To you it could have seemed like he was taking Dean’s side on everything. But no matter what Dean did, he was family, and Sam couldn’t leave him.

Sam had known you for a long time. Your dads were hunting friends when the three of you were growing up. You were about the same age as Sam, so the two of you would always play and talk whenever your dads got together, and were best friends all through your youth. You would always talk on the phone when you were apart, and Sam had confided in you when he left for college and his family was none too happy with him. Even though you were a hunter, you understood Sam and always supported his dreams.

You had always had a crush on Dean, though. Sam remembered when you got to junior high and you would blush every time you saw him. He had to admit, he had always been jealous of Dean for that. He always seemed to get the most beautiful girls, and you were no exception.

“Sam?” You asked, concern on your face.

Sam realized he had been staring at you and hadn’t given an answer. “Uh, yeah, sorry, that sounds good.” Sam got up from his chair. “I’ll just go grab my jacket and we can go.”

A few minutes later, you and Sam were getting into his car.

“Diner food sound okay?” Sam asked as you slid into the passenger seat.

“Sure. Nothing I’m not used to,” you said as you pulled your hair back into a messy bun. Sam watched you for a moment before starting the car. He had spent all his time looking for Dean lately and almost no time interacting with other people, especially women. Stop staring, Sam.

When the two of you got to the diner you sat in a booth across from each other. Sam ordered his usual Cobb salad.

“I’ll have the same, thanks,” you said, handing your menu to the waitress. Sam raised his eyebrows at you.

“You, a Cobb salad?” He asked.

“Yeah, so what?” You said, a challenge in your eyes.

“Nothing, it’s just that I remember you eating like…well, like Dean. Burgers and fries exclusively.”

“People change, Sam. I still love that stuff, but my metabolism isn't exactly what it used to be. So I started eating healthier,” you replied, sipping your iced tea.

Sam felt a grin spread across his face. It had only been a few years since he had seen you, but he could tell a lot had changed since then that he needed to learn about you.

"What?" You asked.

“Nothing. I guess I just missed you these last few years is all,” Sam replied.

“Aw, the giant oak tree has feelings,” you said, batting your eyelashes and mocking him. After a moment a small smile spread across your face. “I missed you too, Sammy.”

Sam smiled and dug into the salad the waitress had brought. Having you here, Sam already felt a little of the weight of finding his brother lifted off of him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys think! :)

You

You were surprised that you had fun at your dinner with Sam. It’s not that he isn’t a fun guy, but he just had been so stressed about Dean that you were surprised when you saw a smile spread across his face a few times while you were eating.

When you were sitting across from him you took in his features. Even in the last two years Sam had grown up a lot. His long brown hair was at what seemed like the perfect length for his face, falling just below his ears. His face had somehow become even more chiseled, his jawline strong and covered in stubble. And of course, there were his beautiful hazel eyes. You had always loved how they had changed color depending on what he was wearing.

Knowing him for as long as you did, you had always known he was handsome. Being friends with the Winchester boys was like being friends with male models, for God’s sake. That’s why you had always been so surprised when Dean had taken notice of you back when you dated.

The two of you were driving back to the bunker in Sam’s car. You had been in a comfortable silence for a few minutes when Sam turned his attention to you.

“So, Y/N, what’s been going on with you the last few years? I feel like I told you everything that’s happened with us.”

“Well, nothing quite as eventful as what happened to you guys has happened to me,” you said with a chuckle. “But, things have been…rough.”

Sam’s brow crinkled. “Rough how?” He asked.

“So, obviously, things with Dean didn’t end well. That was…a little hard to bounce back from,” you said, shifting awkwardly in your seat. “So during that time I mostly focused on hunting. I got really good, to be honest. Really honed my skills. But about a year later, Jim Barkley gave me a call.” You focused your eyes on your fidgeting hands in your lap.

“Jim Barkley? Isn’t he one of our dads’ hunting buddies?” Sam asked.

“Yeah. He, uh…he had been on a hunt with my dad and…” you trailed off, not wanting to let your voice break while you were telling the story.

Sam looked at you with sorrow in his eyes. He knew what you were going to say next.

“My dad is dead,” you said once you gained your composure again. “A shifter. Jim had been working with the shifter for a few days when he finally figured it out. Dad had been gone the whole time and the son-of-a-bitch had been pretending to be him.”

“Oh, God, Y/N, I’m so sorry,” Sam said, turning his head between you and the road.

You turned your head toward the window, afraid a few tears may escape. You had always been really close with your dad. Your mom had been killed when you were little by a ghost, which had gotten him into hunting in the first place. It had always been you two against the world, and though you had been on your own for a while, you felt like you lost a piece of you when he died.

You felt Sam’s big hand encase yours. He squeezed it and rubbed small circles on the top, and you let a few tears fall as you continued to stare out the window.

After a few moments, you let go of his hand and wiped your face. “Anyway, after that I just kept hunting. You know how it is,” you said.

Sam nodded. “I do. All that emotion just feeds your fire. Makes you a better hunter, sadly enough.”

You smiled. Sam had always understood what you were trying to say without even verbalizing it. You hadn’t really realized until that moment how lonely you’d been since your dad died.

 

* * *

 

  
You and Sam had been searching for Dean for days. You hadn’t found anything yet. You were just starting to get discouraged when something on a police scanner caught your eye.

“Sam…Sam! Listen to this: APB out for a man that stabbed someone in their home. Caucasian male, early to mid thirties, 6’1”, brown hair, black eyes.”

“Did you say black eyes?” Sam asked, his eyes wide.

“Yup.”

“Let’s go.” Sam quickly got up from the library table while you scribbled down the address where Dean was last seen.

An hour later, Sam pulled his car up to a little white house that was covered in yellow police tape. You and Sam got out with your FBI badges at the ready.

“Afternoon, officer. I’m agent Smith and this is agent Bette. We think the guy who did this may be someone we’ve been looking for,” Sam said as the two of you entered the house behind the officer.

“Nice to meet you, agents. Officer Brown.” Officer Brown was a tubby man who was about as tall as you were. He was balding, but had kind eyes. “Wouldn’t surprise me if this guy was your serial killer. Pretty cold, what he did.”

“What do you mean?” You asked.

“Well, the guy just came in, stabbed this guy with a knife made of bones, and left. Guy’s wife saw the whole thing,” Brown explained.

“His wife? She still here?” Sam asked.

“Yes, she’s in the kitchen. Just be gentle with her. She’s been through a lot today.” With that Officer Brown left the two of you to question the wife.

“Mrs. Pickler?” You asked, approaching where she was sitting at the kitchen table slowly.

“Y-yes, dear? What can I do for you?” She asked tearfully. She looked to be in her early 60s, with gray hair and square glasses sitting on her round face.

“I’m agent Bette, and this is agent Smith. We’re with the FBI,” you began, sitting down next to her. “We wanted to see if we could ask you a few questions.”

“Well sure, honey. I already told those other cops everything I knew, but I’m happy to tell you whatever you want to know. Anything to help find that man that killed my Fred,” she replied, tears welling in her eyes.

“Thank you. Whenever you’re ready,” you said with a small smile.

She took a deep breath. “Fred and I were just sitting in the living room. He was watching TV and I was knitting. All of the sudden, I heard a loud ‘bang’ come from the front door. In walks this man—and honey, he was a man,” she said, waving her hand in front of her face like she was hot. “He was about 6 feet, short dirty blonde hair, and green eyes…that is, until they turned black.”

You nodded your head. “Did he say anything?”

“Well, he walked right up to Fred, said, ‘you know what this is for,’ and stabbed him with a weird looking knife made out of bones. I thought for sure he would kill me next, but he just looked over at me. His eyes changed back to that magnificent green and he walked out.”

At this point the poor woman was starting to sob. You put your hand on her shoulder to comfort her. “Just one more question. Do you have any idea where he could have gone?”

She shook her head. “All I know is that he took off going north down the street.”

You nodded. “Well thank you, Mrs. Pickler. And we are so sorry for your loss.”

She nodded, and you and Sam walked to the front door. With a small smile, she closed it behind you.

“So, what do we think? Why would Dean kill that guy?” Sam asked. He opened the door to his car for you and you slid in.

"Demon-deal soul recovery?” You asked when he got in the drivers’ side. “He is hanging out with Crowley. Maybe he’s doing his dirty work.”

“That makes sense. Plus, the Mark makes him have a thirst for blood. Maybe this is Crowley’s way of keeping him under control. We all know how he likes to be in control,” Sam said. You rolled your eyes and nodded.

You let out a deep sigh. “What is it?” Sam asked.

“It’s just…when we find Dean and cure him—and we will—this is the kind of thing he is going to hate himself for,” you said, shaking your head.

“I know. I’ve thought about that. But at least he won’t be doing it anymore, right?” Sam said, trying to look on the bright side.

You gave him a small nod. “So, should we check out the local bars? I’m sure being a demon has only increased Dean’s taste for whiskey.”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” Sam said, starting the car. “Let’s go find my brother.”

 


	5. Chapter 5

Sam

Sam felt his nerves growing as the two of you pulled up to the third bar in the general area of the murder. He didn’t know why, but he just had a feeling this would be the one.

He watched as you got out of the car, confidence and fearlessness exuding from your body. Sam wished he could feel that way.

“Alright, same plan. If we see him, we get him in a secluded area and cuff him,” you said. Sam nodded his head, still filled with dread.

The two of you walked into the bar. It was a fairly old-fashioned looking bar, with its maple wood everywhere and jukebox in the corner. Even the bartender was up in his years. Sam scanned the area, looking for Dean. His eyes barely made it all the way through the room before he saw Dean sitting at the bar, his hand wrapped around a glass of whiskey.

Sam looked at you and nodded. The two of you approached the bar behind Dean’s back, blades at the ready.

“Hey, man. Long time no see,” Sam said, placing the point of the blade against Dean’s back but hidden from the bar patrons’ eyes. “Why don’t you join us in the back.”

Dean heaved a sigh and rolled his eyes. He got up without a word and followed the two of you to the back of the bar and out into the alley.

“Well, well, well. Can’t say I’m all that surprised to see you, Sammy,” Dean said. He turned his eyes on you and pointed. “You, on the other hand, are quite the surprise.”

“Cut the shit, Dean. We’re taking you home,” you said, still full of confidence.

Dean laughed heartily, but Sam could tell it wasn’t real. His eyes flicked to black. “Oh, that’s good. The sad little brother and the bitch are gonna take me home. Sure.”

Sam felt a little hurt at his words, but knew this would probably be how Dean was now. “Dean, you don’t mean this, man. You’re gonna regret everything you’re doing,” Sam said.

“Hmm, I don’t think I will,” Dean said, crossing his arms. Sam knew it was probably time to get physical. He lunged at Dean, cuffs in his hands. Dean saw it coming, and punched Sam right in the face.

Sam fell back, rubbing his jaw. The force of the punch and his landing had knocked the wind out of him and he was stuck on the ground for a moment. He watched as you walked slowly toward Dean.

“And what do you think you’re going to do?” Dean asked mockingly.

“I’m going to cuff you and take you home,” you said, your face grave.

“Why do you even care? You know, I don’t give a fuck about you. You were just a good lay, and that’s it. I never even wanted to be with you. So you might as well just let it go.”

Sam watched as the smallest bit of emotion crossed your face before turning back into the blank mask. You were hurt, that much he knew.

You lunged forward, but Dean got the upper hand again and punched you in the stomach. You doubled over, and Dean stood over you.

“Y/N!” Sam yelled, still having trouble catching his breath.

Dean bent down close to your face. “Leave me alone. Or you will not walk away from our next encounter,” he said, his tone evil.

You continued to clutch your stomach and Dean walked out of the alley. Sam was finally able to get up and come over to you. He reached down and helped you stand.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. I had no idea he was so strong,” Sam said, brushing the hair away from your face.

You groaned a little, and looked up at Sam. One tear ran down your cheek. “We’ll get him,” you said with confidence. Sam gave you a half smile and nodded his head. He helped you back to the car, where the two of you decided to go back to the bunker and regroup. 


	6. Chapter 6

You

You had tried your best to tell yourself that whatever Dean said he didn’t mean. But it was hard.

_I don’t give a fuck about you._

His words were on repeat in your head, making it hard to think straight.

_You were just a good lay, and that’s it._

Every fear you had ever had about what your relationship meant to him was confirmed by his words.

You got out of the car, clutching your stomach when the motion caused pain. You followed Sam into the bunker, where he filled two plastic bags with ice and handed you one.

You nodded in thanks and turned to head slowly toward your room.

“Y/N,” Sam said, stopping you.

You turned and looked at him, waiting for him to continue.

“Listen, what Dean said back there…you know he didn’t mean it, right? He would never say that if he were himself and your relationship with him meant a lot.”

You sighed. You knew Sam was trying to make you feel better, but it was hard to ignore the suspicions reeling in your head.

“Sure, Sam. Don’t worry about me, okay? I’m fine,” you said, turning to leave again. Sam grasped your hand to stop you. He spun you around and pulled you in for a gentle hug.

“Y/N, you’re beautiful. Dean cared about you, and I care about you. Don’t ever question that, okay?”

You returned his hug and closed your eyes. You breathed in his scent of books and pine. Sam was always there for you, and though you were resistant at first to talk about this, you did feel better by what he said.

“Thanks, Sam.” You stood on your tip toes and kissed his cheek where a light bruise had formed. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Y/N,” he replied.

You went down the hall to your room and eased yourself into bed. You fell asleep almost immediately, but your dreams were plagued by those meadow green eyes flicking to black.

 

* * *

 

  
_Two Years Ago_

_You finally had Dean back with you. He had been in Purgatory for a year, and you had done everything you could think of to find a way to get him out. Sam had drifted away from you, saying that he wanted to ‘honor Dean’s wishes,’ whatever the fuck that meant._

_But it didn’t matter. Dean found his way back to you and you couldn’t have been happier._

_Well, almost._

_Dean was different, that was for sure. He was angry—lethal. And though he tried to hide it, you knew that Purgatory had changed him._

_The two of you had been spending time looking for Kevin and the demon tablet, and you could feel him pulling away from you. You would reach across the front seat of the Impala to hold his hand and he would pull it away, pretending to yawn or turn on the windshield wipers._

_You finally decided it was time to bring it up. You were on your way to a small town in Oklahoma, following a lead on the tablet._

_"Dean, what's going on with you?” You asked abruptly._

_“What do you mean?” He asked, not taking his eyes off the road._

_“I mean, why have you been so distant lately?” You said._

_Dean closed his eyes for a moment before opening them and sighing. “I’m not distant, Y/N.”_

_“Bullshit.”_

_“Look, I don’t know what you want me to say. Purgatory was hard, Y/N, and I’m sorry that I’m not bouncing back as quickly as you’d like,” Dean said angrily._

_Your shoulders slumped. You were being selfish. You should have known that it would take a while before Dean was himself again—if he could be himself again._

_“I’m sorry. You’re right, I’m pushing you too hard. I can’t even imagine what it was like there,” you said, laying your arm on the headrest behind Dean and running your fingers through his hair on the back of his head. “I’m making this about me, and it’s not. Just remember that I’m here, okay? You can always talk to me.”_

_You watched Dean’s face and you saw something flicker there. It almost looked like adoration that quickly turned to guilt before he plastered a smile on his face._

_“Don’t worry about it, sweetheart. I know you’re just trying to help. I’m sorry, too,” he said, placing a hand on your thigh._

_You smiled and turned to the window. You missed Dean’s face that fell as soon as you looked away. You continued the rest of the trip in silence, each one of you contemplating different versions of your relationship._

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments, dear readers! Love you all!

You

You woke to the sound of your bedroom door opening. You squinted against the light that came in from the hallway. “Sam?” You asked, leaning up on your elbows, your voice still sounding sleepy.

“Y/N, sorry if I woke you. I just wanted to bring you some ibuprofen and a little something to eat,” he said, setting a tray down on your bedside table. The smell of bacon and eggs wafted over and you felt your mouth start watering.

“Thanks, Sammy.” You reached for the glass of water he brought you and cringed when you felt a sharp pain in your ribs.

“You okay?” Sam asked, still standing next to your bed.

“Yeah. I think Dean may have bruised one of my ribs, though.”

“Uh, yeah, if the light were better you could see the beautiful bruise he gave me on my face. He sure is charming, huh?” Sam said, taking a seat at the edge of your bed.

You swallowed the pills and nodded. Sam looked at you for a moment, and you felt the emotions about what Dean said from the night before forcing their way to the surface. You closed your eyes against the pain, trying to shove it back down.

“Y/N, if you want to talk, you know I’m here, right?” Sam asked, placing a hand on your knee. You felt a little warmth spread through you at his touch and words, and just like that, you couldn’t hold the pain back anymore. Tears began leaking out of your eyes as you continued to look at Sam.

You knew the tears weren’t just about what Dean said. The tears were for everything in the last two years: getting your heart broken, losing your dad, and feeling empty and alone.

"Hey, hey," Sam said, getting up and coming to your side. He knelt down so he was eye-level with you. You pulled your knees up and hugged yourself, as if it could keep you from falling apart.

Sam brushed your hair away from your face then held his hand around the back of your neck.

“Y/N, look at me,” he said. You looked through your welled-up eyes at his concerned ones. “You know that wasn’t the real Dean.”

More tears spilled over, and you tried to speak. “I-it’s not just about that. It’s everything, Sam. I-I just…I just don’t know if I can do it anymore.”

“Do what?” Sam asked.

“All of it. S-since my dad I just…I’m s-so tired of being by myself,” you said as another sob wracked through your body.

Sam got up on the bed behind you and pulled you into his arms, squeezing you tight. “Shh, shh, you’re okay, you’re going to be fine. I’m here for you,” he whispered into your hair. You felt yourself calming down a bit, finally able to breathe a little better. You hadn’t realized how much you had missed the touch of another person.

When you had caught your breath, you turned around in Sam’s embrace until you could snuggle into his chest. He continued stroking your hair while you got yourself under control.

“Better?” He asked, leaning back to look at your face.

“God, I’m so embarrassed. I must look like a crazy person to you,” you said, hanging your head.

Sam used two fingers to lift your chin. “Y/N, I don’t think you’re crazy. You’ve been holding on to everything the last few years and avoiding dealing with it. I get it, I’ve been there. And don’t forget that I know you. I probably know you better than anyone else. I hate to tell you this, but I kind of knew this was coming.” He smirked a little when you gave him a defiant glare.

“You think you know me, Winchester?” You said, full of sass.

“Please, you might as well be an open book.” Sam laughed at your annoyed stare. “Okay, I guess I didn’t know your eating habits had changed. But thank God for that.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You asked.

“Ugh, all that salt and fried stuff? You were a ticking time-bomb.”

You reached across him and grabbed three slices of bacon from the tray he brought you, shoving them in your mouth. “How’s this for time-bomb?” You asked, mouth full of bacon.

Sam rolled his eyes. “You know, giving yourself a heart attack out of spite seems a little ridiculous, don’t you think?”

You stopped chewing and stared at him, your cheeks puffed out with bacon filling them. There was a beat of silence and then you both started laughing. You laughed so much that there were tears coming out of your eyes again.

  
When you finally swallowed, you looked at Sam as your laughter died down. “Thank you, Sammy. I really needed this.” You leaned in and gave him a peck on the lips.

Sam’s eyes turned a little darker, and before you knew it, his lips were back on yours.

You froze for a moment before letting yourself kiss him back. His lips were soft, but he was kissing you greedily. Soon you were panting, and you felt his hands slide to your waist, pulling you closer.

Your tongues danced together and Sam laid you back on the bed. You ran your hands through his hair and moaned a little into his mouth.

Suddenly, he was gone. You opened your eyes and saw him standing beside the bed.

“I—I’m sorry.” With that he turned and walked out the door, leaving you alone and confused.


	8. Chapter 8

Sam

 

_I can’t believe I did that._

Sam was in his room, pacing in front of his bed, freaking out. He had just kissed his brother’s ex-girlfriend—his best friend—he wasn’t sure which was worse.

Anyone would have to be crazy not to know how beautiful you were. It was obvious. The way your shiny y/h/c hair fell down your back, your y/e/c eyes that seemed to always be sparkling, the confidence that was always radiating from you…all of it could take a man’s breath away.

Sam had seen this in you for most of the time he had known you. And, after kissing you, he knew that he had always had a thing for you. He just never wanted to admit it. Admitting it would mean possibly ruining your friendship, and that’s not something Sam was ever willing to let go of.

Plus, there was the obvious reason to avoid his feelings for you: his brother. Dean had loved you, that much Sam knew. He pushed you away and did something really stupid that Sam never quite understood, but he knew that if he pursued you, Dean would be crushed. Well, human Dean would be anyway.

“What the fuck was that?” You yelled, throwing open the door to Sam’s bedroom.

“Y/N, listen, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—“ Sam began.

“Shouldn’t have what? Kissed me? Or walked away without an explanation?” You demanded, your arms crossed.

Sam sighed, running his fingers through his hair. “Both, I guess.”

You narrowed your eyes at Sam’s response. Sam could feel you surveying him, trying to understand what was happening.

“So what, then? Were you just caught up in the moment? Or did that mean something?” You asked. Sam knew you weren’t one to beat around the bush. He wanted to tell you how he felt, that he’d felt this way for a long time, but he was afraid.

“Y—Yeah. I was just caught up in the moment. It didn’t mean anything. I’m sorry.”

You continued to stare at Sam, your y/e/c eyes doing something that felt like boring into his soul. After a moment, you sighed, dropping your arms from their crossed position.

“Okay, if you’re sure. I—I’m gonna go take a shower.” With that you turned and left the room. Sam could tell you didn’t really believe him, but he was glad he at least bought some time to figure out his feelings.

_I've got to stay focused on finding Dean anyway._

 

* * *

 

  
You

 

You let the steam and warmth of the shower wash away your confusion about what had just happened.

_Sam Winchester just kissed you, that’s what happened._

You really had never thought hard about your relationship with him. You were best friends—you had always been best friends. Sure, you had always thought he was attractive, but…he was _Sam_. You never thought he wanted to be anything other than friends.

But that kiss… _wow_.

Sam had always been so kind and gentle…you had no idea he had that kind of passion inside of him. Also, you were pretty sure that wasn’t spur of the moment. That kiss felt like years of wanting all coming out at once. It was like he had spoken the words without saying a thing.

You lifted your fingers and gently touched your lips, as if you could still feel the warmth of his kiss there. You heaved a sigh and hung your head, letting the water wash down onto your face.

You knew Sam, and you knew it was only a matter of time before this happened again. The question was, did you want it to? You thought about the kiss again and noticed the fluttering in your stomach and warmth you felt spread through you. You hadn’t felt so connected to anyone since…well, since Dean.

_Shit…Dean_.

Could you really be with your ex-boyfriend’s brother? It sounded so bad, but the more you thought about it, the more you felt Dean didn’t deserve that consideration. He had broken your heart into tiny pieces. And now, who knew if you’d ever be able to capture him, let alone cure him of being a fucking _demon_.

Regardless of what you were going to choose to do, you knew you had some time to figure things out since Sam wasn’t quite ready to admit his feelings just yet.

_Now I just have to figure out how to work with him until he does._

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special treat of two chapters in one day! Warning, there will probably be some things in this chapter that you won't like, dear readers. But PLEASE, stick with me. It will be worth it, I promise. <3

_Two Years Ago_

 

_You paced the floor of your motel room, frustrated. You checked your phone for the millionth time only to find you still had no new messages._

_You thought back to the conversation you had with Dean earlier in the day._

_“Y/N, I don’t want you talking to Crowley, ever,” Dean said after you told him you called Crowley to try to find out where he had taken Kevin._

_“I’m an adult, Dean. If I want to call Crowley, I will,” you responded, putting your hands on your hips. You were annoyed that Dean was trying once again to protect you, as if you hadn’t been a hunter all your life._

_“God, Y/N, will you just listen to me for once?!” Dean yelled. Something about this argument was different. Dean was angrier, and it felt like he had reached his wit’s end._

_“Dean, I listen to you all the time! But sometimes you have to let me do what I can to help. Maybe you forgot, but I’ve been hunting a long time! I know what I’m doing!” You yelled back._

_“Oh, you know what you’re doing? Did you know that Crowley showed up in our room earlier and threatened to kill you if you kept bothering him? Do you know what that dick is capable of?” Dean asked, grabbing you by the shoulders._

_“Dean, I didn’t know he did that. But you know he’s all talk, he wouldn’t kill me. We help him out too often,” you said, looking into his eyes. They were filled with concern, but you knew he was still mad._

_“You know what? If you can’t see what kind of danger you put yourself in, then I can’t talk to you,” Dean said. He turned toward the door and opened it._

_“Dean, wait!” You yelled. He stopped for just a moment before closing the door behind him. You heard the Impala peel out of the parking lot and knew he probably had gone to the bar to drink away his frustrations._

_Now here you were, four hours later with no word from him._

_You had fought before, and he had even done this before. But he usually returned a half-hour later and you would both apologize. You were really starting to worry._

_Just as you were about to pick up your phone and call a cab to the nearest bar to look for him, you heard the roar of the Impala’s engine pulling in the parking lot. A few minutes later Dean walked into the motel room, clearly drunk._

_“Did you seriously drive here?” You asked, upset that he would risk his life like that._

_“N-No, I had Sammy meet me at the bar and he drove me here,” he said, swaying on his feet a little._

_You figured Dean had told Sam that you needed to make up from your fight before he could come in._

_“Listen, Dean, I’m sorry. I know how I feel when you do reckless things, and I don’t want to make you feel like that.” You reached out your hands to grab his, but he stepped away._

_“Y/N, there’s s-something I need to t-tell you,” Dean said. There was an absolutely shattered look in his eyes, and you knew whatever it was would change you forever._

_You let your hands fall to your sides. “What? Dean, what is it?” You asked, your voice trembling._

_Dean reached up and ran his hands through his hair, tugging on the ends. He looked back up at you, his eyes determined._

_“When I was at the bar, I met a woman. I had sex with her.”_

_  
Your eyes grew wide, and you could hear your heartbeat in your ears._

_“I’m sorry, Y/N. I just got caught up in the moment,” Dean said, his eyes shifting around the room._

_You could barely breathe, and you could feel the tears threatening to spill over. Without a word, you brushed past him and out the door. You walked down the sidewalk and past the car, where you saw Sam sitting behind the steering wheel._

_Your eyes locked with his momentarily and you saw pity there. After a moment you turned away and continued walking. You wanted to keep walking until you were no longer angry._

_You walked until you hit a bus station. You bought a one-way ticket back to the small town you grew up in. You knew the only person you wanted to see right then was your dad._

_When you got to the small house he still lived in with its rickety stairs and peeling paint, you fell into his arms. He enveloped you in a warm hug. Without asking any questions, he walked you to your old room, tucked you in, and let you sleep. Sleep, however, would evade you for days to come, the words Dean said to you echoing in your head._

_“I met a woman. I had sex with her.”_

_You would finally fall asleep in the wee hours of the morning, tears covering your face._

 


	10. Chapter 10

You

 

Things with Sam had been very stiff. You had avoided being too close, even going as far as sitting at the opposite ends of the table from each other while you did research. It was a little ridiculous, but you knew that this was what Sam needed, so you went along with it.

The two of you had been spending time looking for Dean again. Finding a demon that didn’t want to be found was no picnic. Every time you thought you had a lead, it went no where. You had been itching to call Crowley and deal with him head-on, but Sam didn’t want you to. You knew from experience that ignoring a Winchester may turn out badly for you.

However, as the days went on, you found yourself considering doing it anyway. _It’s not like Sam and I are in a relationship,_ you would think to yourself. _At least I know he couldn’t cheat on me if he got mad at me._

You rolled your eyes at the thought, not wanting to bring up the memories from the last situation like this. You looked up from your laptop at Sam, who was staring at a newspaper, his eyes moving across the lines as he read quickly.

“Sam, I’m uh, gonna go take a nap,” you lied. The two of you had been working for hours so you knew it was believable.

“Okay,” Sam replied, barely looking up. You rolled your eyes again, wondering how long this weirdness between the two of you was going to last.

You made your way to your room and closed the door. Sitting on your bed, you got out your cell phone. You sighed, annoyed at what you were about to do, dialed Crowley’s number, and waited.

The other end rang once before he picked up the phone. “Crowley, King of Hell,” his gruff voice said.

“Crowley. It’s Y/N.”

Crowley let out an exasperated sigh. “Finally. It’s about time you bloody called me.”

“Um…what?” You asked, confused by this reception.

“Y/N, I know I threatened your life a few years ago, and then the whole sob story with Dean happened and blah blah blah…” he began. “But I threaten the lives of most of the people I interact with, so I really wouldn’t take it personally, pet.”

“Great. Thanks, I guess,” you said sarcastically. “Why exactly were you waiting for me to call?”

“Well, let’s just say that a certain demon is starting to get on my nerves. I seem to have…lost control of him. Stupid bugger just won’t stop killing and collecting on my BLOODY DEALS TOO EARLY,” he yelled at the end, in typical angry-Crowley fashion.

“Okay, so what do you expect me to do about that?” You asked. This turn of events was really fortunate for you, but you weren’t sure what to expect from Crowley just yet.

“Well, Little Bird, I need you and the moose to come take care of Squirrel. I’ll even text you his locations.”

“And why would you want to help us so much?” You asked, suspicious.

“Well, Squirrel is making me lose credibility on my deals. If that happens, people won’t want to deal. In case you forgot: I used to be king of the crossroads. That bloody Mark is ruining everything. This is no longer fun for me,” he explained.

“Fine. But if you double-cross us, Crowley—“

"Yes, yes, pain and misery and death. I’ve got it.” With that, the line went dead. A few seconds later you had an address texted to your phone.

You realized that this time, you and Sam would need a better plan. You wouldn’t be letting Dean get the jump on you again.


	11. Chapter 11

Sam

You had successfully gotten Dean’s location. Sam wasn’t happy about the means, but at least you got it. And he had to admit, he had to hold back some laughter when you told him that Crowley—the King of Hell—was sick of Dean and wanted your help.

“Ready to go?” You asked, standing in Sam’s doorway. He nodded and zipped his duffel. The two of you still hadn’t talked any more about when he kissed you. Sam was frustrated, and didn’t really know what to do about his feelings for you. They weren’t going away, of that much he was sure.

Ever since he first kissed you, the only thing he’d wanted to do every time he saw you was pull you back in for another. He didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, obviously, but he wasn’t sure how much longer he could last.

_Focus on Dean._

Sam decided to focus on getting Dean back to the bunker instead of worrying about his feelings for you. He brushed past you, avoiding your eyes on his way to the car. When you both got in, you pulled up the address to the location Crowley sent you and the two of you were on your way.

The address Crowley had given you was to a bar that was in Louisiana. It was at least a twelve-hour drive, and Sam didn’t know how long he could keep this awkwardness up.

“Hey, Sam?” You began. Sam turned his head and saw that you had addressed him but you were still looking out the window at the farmland that passed you by.

“Yeah?”

“Do you remember when we were little, and we used to play hunters?”

Sam smiled a little at the memory. “Of course I do,” he said.

“God, it was so simple back then. Hunting pretend wendigos made out of a broom with a blanket over it…pretending Dean was a werewolf we had to follow around…” You closed your eyes as you reminisced, and Sam sneaked a few glances at you while you spoke.

“Yeah, he didn’t really appreciate us poking at him with silver butter knives,” Sam said with a chuckle. You leaned your head back, a small smile on your face with your eyes still closed. You opened them and turned your head, apparently having felt Sam’s eyes on you.

“Do you ever wish we could go back there?” You asked, your y/e/c eyes glimmering with the memories.

Sam sighed, his eyes back on the road. “All the damn time, Y/N,” he said, his eyes softening and a crinkle forming between his brows. He sighed, longing for days that were simpler. The weight of the life he had lived so far was crushing at times. Even now—well…now he actually felt okay.

_Because I’m with_ her.

He already knew he had missed his best friend, but the realization of just how much better you made life slightly stunned him.

 

* * *

 

  
You

You watched Sam’s face as he looked at the road. He seemed to be deep in thought, his hazel eyes barely blinking. Your gaze slid over the sharp angles of his face, taking him in. You found yourself wondering how Sam was still such a kind and patient soul. He had been through so much in his life—being used as a psychic weapon, being possessed by the devil, being trapped with the devil in Hell—it would send any normal person to an insane asylum. But Sam was the same as you remembered him: caring, compassionate…your heart began to beat a little faster as you continued to watch him.

“What?” Sam asked, catching you staring at him.

You cleared your throat. It was getting pretty late. "Think we could stop and get some rest?” You asked.

Sam nodded and stopped at the next motel he saw. It made you chuckle a little as you walked into the office to book your room and you saw that it had a jungle theme. You and Sam approached the desk that was covered in palm fronds.

“How can I help you?” The clerk asked. She was a short, older lady with very long gray hair. Her eyes were kind as she looked up at Sam and gave you a small smile.

“Uh, yes, we need to stay here tonight,” Sam replied.

“Okay, dear. One room, or two?” She asked.

Sam looked at you, unsure of what you would want. You knew this would come up, and answered as you planned.

“One, please.”

Sam smiled but still avoided your eyes. When the clerk gave you the key, you took it and held out your bag to Sam, trying to be a little sassy.

Sam rolled his eyes and took it, chuckling as you sauntered back out the office door.

When you opened the door to room number 11—the number hanging crookedly on the door— you took in the scene before you.

There were two beds in the room, surrounded by walls with murals of all kinds of jungle animals. The room oozed forest green, and you widened your eyes at the sight.

“Wow. This is definitely one of the nicer rooms I’ve had,” Sam said sarcastically.

“Whatever, as long as it’s clean, I don’t care,” you said, walking over the threshold.

Sam put the bags down, one on each bed. He turned around to face you, putting his hands in his pockets awkwardly.

You took a deep breath in, ready to do what you’d been wanting to do the entire time you were in the car.

“Listen, Y/N, I’m sorry I’ve been so—“ Sam began. He was cut off though, as you quickly closed the space between you.

Your lips were on his in an instant, and you felt him stiffen in shock. After a fraction of a second, though, he was kissing you back—hard. You tangled your fingers in his hair and ran your tongue around his bottom lip. He opened for you, and the two of you were caught in one of the most passionate kisses you had ever had.

You felt Sam slide his hands down your back and to your butt. He lifted you up, and you immediately wrapped your legs around him. He pushed you against the nearest wall, never once breaking off the kiss. You ran your hands down his chest and over his perfect abs.

Sam broke apart from your lips and kissed his way down your chin and to your neck. You leaned back to give him better access, and he bit lightly before kissing the same spot. He kissed his way down the v-neck shirt you were wearing until his lips were on the swell of your breasts. You inhaled sharply when he quickly pulled your shirt off of you, leaving your top half in only your bra. He continued kissing the tops of your breasts while his hands rubbed your nipples over your bra.

He reached behind you, asking permission with his eyes to unclasp your bra. You gave him a small smile and nodded. Soon, your bra was off and Sam’s eyes filled with lust. His mouth was on you then, his tongue swirling around each nipple and sucking. You grasped his hair again, your head thrown back with your eyes closed.

You could feel the wetness pooling between your legs. As if reading your mind, Sam turned and threw you lightly on the bed before crawling over you. He had a look on his face that resembled a lion stalking his prey. You bit your lip in anticipation, which only seemed to spur him on.

Panting, you grasped the edge of his shirt, wanting to feel his skin on yours. He happily obliged, pulling his shirt off before hovering over you and bringing his lips back to yours. You let out a tiny moan, which made Sam pick up the pace again.

His hands slid down your stomach and to the hem of your pants, where he slipped his hand in to feel you. He put one long finger at your entrance, feeling your warmth and wetness for him.

“God, Y/N,” he said breathlessly.

“Pants,” you replied. Sam knew exactly what you meant and nearly ripped yours off before removing his own. His long, thick cock sprang forward and you nearly licked your lips in anticipation. He was back on you, condom in hand. You didn’t know when he got it—you only knew you were glad he was so fast.

Sam sheathed himself before lining his member up at your entrance. He looked deep into your eyes as he slowly pushed himself in completely. You had to stretch to accommodate him and you both moaned as you did.

He began moving in and out quickly, a sheen of sweat forming on both of you from the intensity. You could do very little but dig your nails into his back as he pounded into you, pressure building with each movement.

“Oh, Sam…” you barely were able to get out.

“I know, sweetheart,” he said. He moved two fingers to your clit and began to rub circles, causing you to climb ever faster to your climax.

You felt your walls begin to tighten, and fell over the edge, Sam’s name on your lips as you went. He fell over shortly after, continuing to push into you until he was spent.

He rolled off of you, opening his arm for you to snuggle in while you both tried to catch your breath. As you laid there, you began to fear that this could ruin your friendship with Sam. You looked up at him to see what he was thinking. The hazel eyes that looked back at you shone nothing but admiration and content. You smiled, snuggling back into his chest. Soon, you were drifting off to sleep, the afterglow of your orgasm pulling you under. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoy!

Sam

 

Sam had never felt as content as he did when he woke up with you in his arms. He had looked over at you when you were still asleep, and it nearly took his breath away. You looked so peaceful, your face smooth and free of its usual worried creases.

The two of you had gotten up, smiling at each other, but not discussing what had happened the night before, or what it meant for your relationship. Sam definitely knew what he wanted, which was to be with you. And while you had initiated last night, he wasn’t sure if you wanted anything more.

You checked out of the motel and got in the car to finish the long drive. Sam reached his hand over and placed it on your thigh as he drove. He figured your smile and the fact that you didn’t push it away was a good sign.

“So…are we gonna talk about what happened last night?” Sam finally asked when he couldn’t take it any more.

“Sure, what do you want to talk about?” You replied, a coy smile on your face.

“Y/N, you know I wanted that to happen, and I’m so glad it did. But…I just want to know what you’re thinking. I know this could be a little hard or confusing considering the fact that we are best friends and you dated my brother.”

"Sam, in my eyes, the fact that we are best friends only makes this better,” you said, gesturing between the two of you.

“I think so too,” Sam said with a smile. When you didn’t continue, he hedged a bit. “And about Dean?”

You heaved a sigh. "Sammy, what I had with Dean was good, I won’t lie. But he broke my heart. And I’m not waiting around to see if he’s changed. Besides, we don’t even know if we can get him back to the old Dean, let alone capture him.”

Sam felt his stomach drop a little bit at your words. He knew that it was possible that curing Dean may not work, but he had been avoiding thinking like that.

Sam felt your hand lightly stroke his face, and he glanced at you. “Sam, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sure we’ll be able to cure him. I just mean that we are different people now. So no, I don’t feel guilty about being with you,” you said, smiling.

Sam felt a little weight lift off his heart, and he smiled back. You leaned in and kissed him on the cheek, sending a flutter to his stomach. For the rest of the ride, you sat right next to him on the bench seat of the car, leaning into his shoulder. Eventually, you fell asleep as Sam continued driving, his heart full.

 

* * *

 

 

You

When you woke it was to the sound of Sam turning off the ignition. You looked through the windshield and at a small building that was in front of the parked car. It had dark brown brick, with a neon sign that said ‘motel’ above one door, and a similar sign that said ‘bar’ over another door a few yards away from it. It looked dingy and dirty from the outside, and for some reason you were not surprised that this was where Dean was spending his time.

You looked at Sam, who was staring at the door to the bar, fear evident in his eyes. You grasped his hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. He looked at you, his fear fading a little bit, and you smiled. You knew that regardless of the confusing feelings you had about Dean, you would stop at nothing to get him back for Sam. You would not leave the bar until you had him.

 

* * *

 

  
You lay in wait in the alley behind the bar. The plan was to keep it simple this time. Last time you had tried ganging up on Dean to capture him, and that was a wreck.

Sam had gone into the bar wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses. The idea was to play on Dean’s current low opinions of you both. The hat and glasses were such an obvious disguise—but demon Dean would expect nothing better. Sam was to act like he was scoping out the bar and watching Dean from afar. He wouldn’t say anything to Dean, just sit at a table away from the bar then leave. The hope was that Dean would follow, thinking Sam was alone. That’s where you came in.

You crouched behind a dumpster in the alley, waiting for a text from Sam. After about ten minutes, it arrived.

_Heading out._

About thirty seconds later the back door to the bar opened and Sam came out, removing his hat and sunglasses. He walked down the alley a little bit—slowly—to allow Dean time to catch up. A few seconds later, you heard the sound of Dean coming through the door and sprang into action as soon as he was just past you.

“Sam, you are dumber than you look if you think that disguise—“ he began. He was cut off as you quickly clicked the warded handcuffs around one wrist, then the other. Dean stopped in shock as he tried to understand what was happening. He turned his head and saw you before letting out a demonic roar.

“I will fucking _kill_ you both! Let me go, now!” He yelled.

“This is for your own good,” you replied, emotionless. You began to lead Dean by the cuffs to the car. He followed, knowing he had no choice.

 


	13. Chapter 13

“ _I shot the sherrrifffff, but I did not shoot the deputy,_ ” Dean sang loudly for the tenth time from the back seat. You rubbed your temples, sick of the man-demon that was currently acting like a child.

“We’re almost back,” Sam said reassuringly. You turned around and looked at Dean who was still singing, his eyes pitch black.

You rolled your eyes and faced forward just as Sam was pulling into the bunker’s garage. Sam got out of the car and took Dean roughly from the back seat, pulling him toward the store room where you would be keeping him. You sighed and grabbed the bags from the trunk, not looking forward to what was to come.

After you put the bags down you walked to the door of the store room, where you were stopped by Sam coming out of it. You looked behind him and saw Dean sitting tied to a chair behind the shelves, still singing to himself.

“Listen, Y/N, I think that you may need to steer clear of Dean while I’m curing him. It’s not that I don’t want your help, it’s just that he’s a dick right now, and he only gets even more dickish when he sees you,” Sam said.

You nodded. You weren’t sure you really wanted to see Dean being cured anyway. “Yeah, that’s fine. I can help from out here. I’ll keep you fed and stuff, Sammy.”

“Thanks. I’m gonna go ahead and get started,” he said. He bent down and kissed you lightly on the lips before turning back to the store room.

Just before the door closed, you heard Dean say, “Well, looks like you got yourself a little slut, huh Sammy?”

You closed your eyes in frustration, ready for this to be over.

 

* * *

 

  
A few days had passed, and you had been helping Sam stay fed and hydrated while he continued to work on curing Dean. Every time he came through the door, he had different looks on his face. Sometimes he was hopeful…other times, he told you he feared he was killing his brother. You provided him with support whenever he came out, which seemed to fuel him to keep going.

One of the many days Sam was working to cure Dean, you had just given him lunch and gone to your room to lay down for a while. A few minutes passed, and you heard a clatter from the hallway. You got up and opened the door slightly, peeking your head out to see if everything was okay. Before you had time to even think, you felt something hit your head and everything went dark.

When you came to, you found yourself tied to the chair that was once occupied by your demon ex-boyfriend. You struggled, trying to move your arms but finding it was of no use. You were completely stuck, and the movement had only made your head pound from where Dean hit you.

“Well, look who’s awake,” you heard from behind you.

“So what’s the plan, Dean? You gonna kill me?” You asked, feigning confidence.

“Hmm…maybe. But there’s no reason we can’t have a little fun first, don’t you think?”

“Where’s Sam?” You demanded. Dean paced his way around the chair until he was facing you, eyes black again.

“Oh, that’s right, you and Sammy are together now, huh? Well, good for him. Fucking you _was_ the best part of our relationship.”

You stared past him, not willing to give him the satisfaction of a reaction.

“You two _have_ fucked, haven’t you? I’d be shocked if you hadn’t. You couldn’t keep your legs closed when you were with me,” he said maliciously.

You closed your eyes and turned your head away from him, trying to block out his words.

"And don’t worry about Sam. He’s out cold, so he won’t be bothering us any time soon.”

You still said nothing, but felt a little relief hearing that at least Sam was alive.

“Not talking, huh? Whatever will I do to remedy that?” Dean said. He bent over so his face was right in front of yours. “I know,” he said. As soon as he finished the words, he plunged a blade he had been holding into your thigh.

The pain was white-hot and some of the worst you had ever felt. You tried to hold back your scream but were unsuccessful. Your scream rang out in the store room, echoing around the walls. Dean’s mouth curved up in a smile, his face looking absolutely evil.

“You stupid motherfucker!” You yelled at him. You knew you were just giving him what he wanted, but you couldn’t help it. “How did you even get out?”

Dean chuckled a little at your reaction. “Well, it seems maybe Sammy’s little cure was working…just enough for the sigils to stop working on me.”

You shook your head, mad that you hadn’t thought of that happening. But if Dean was human enough to get out of the sigils, maybe he was human enough to reason with.

“Dean, what you’re doing is stupid. This isn’t you, you know that! You’re going to be human again, and when you are, you’ll regret all of this.”

“That’s the thing, doll face,” he began, leaning over with his hands on the arms of the chair, “I’m not going to be human again. This is just way too much fun.” Dean slashed his blade, this time cutting a long line across your chest.

"Aghhh,” you said, trying to keep from screaming. “Dean, you are in there somewhere. And even though you cheated on me, I know what we had was real. If you cared at all for me, let me go!”

“Oh, sweetheart, the old Dean is long gone. Besides, I already told you: I never loved you.”

Dean’s words cut deep, deeper than the physical wounds he had inflicted. You knew now that reason wasn’t going to work. You just had to hope that Sam would come for you.

 


	14. Chapter 14

Sam

 

Sam woke in the pantry off the kitchen. It was dark, and he knew that Dean had locked him in. He rubbed his head where he was hit, groaning slightly.

_Y/N_.

Sam knew he had to try to get to you before Dean killed you. He reached for the door handle and found that it was locked, just as he expected. He stepped back as far as he could, trying to kick the door in.

After a few tries, the door burst open, the lock broken. Sam ran down the hall, searching each room as he went for you or Dean. He got to the store room, finding the door closed and locked.

“Dean! Open the door, now!” He yelled as he pounded on the door.

“Uh-uh, Sammy. I’m busy. Come back later please,” Dean’s muffled voice came from behind the door.

“Y/N! Y/N, are you okay?” Sam yelled.

“Oh, she’s a little busy right now, Sam. But I can assure you she’s just fine,” Dean responded.

Frustrated, Sam began pacing, unsure what to do. The door to the store room was solid steel, so kicking in the door was not an option. Sam could hear sounds coming from the other side of the door, and he knew you were running out of time.

Out of options, Sam turned, ready to get explosives and blow the door open. Before he had a chance to go, though, he heard a rustling of wings.

“Sam,” Castiel greeted him.

“Cas, thank God! You have to open the door. Dean’s in there, and he’s got Y/N!”

“Step aside,” Cas said, walking up to the door. He placed a hand on it, concentrating his power there. Sam didn’t know how Cas got his grace back, but in that moment he didn’t care.

A few seconds later, the door was blown to pieces, and Cas stepped through the smoke. Sam followed, blade at the ready. Dean turned at the sound, but before he could do anything, Cas had his arms around him, restraining him. Dean let out a few inhuman roars while Cas told him it was over.

With Dean taken care of, Sam rushed forward to the chair you were tied to. You were beaten and bloody, your eyes struggling to stay open. Nearly every inch of your skin was covered in cuts and developing bruises. Your leg was oozing blood out of a fairly deep stab wound.

“Y/N, Y/N, sweetheart, look at me,” Sam said, holding your face.

Your eyelids fluttered a little before landing on Sam. “I knew you’d come,” you said in a weak voice.

“Shh, shh. You’re going to be okay.” Sam untied you from the chair and took you to your room, laying you on the bed. “As soon as Cas gets Dean under control, he’ll heal you, I promise.”

You smiled just slightly before your head lolled to the side as you lost consciousness. Sam grabbed onto your hand, waiting for Cas to come.

_She’s going to be okay. She has to be._

 

* * *

 

  
You

You slowly opened your eyes, feeling the soreness of your body. It was nothing like the pain you had before you passed out, but more of a dull ache all over. You saw that you were in your bed, alone.

You lifted the covers to examine your body. There were no signs of the wounds Dean had inflicted. You figured Cas had somehow healed you, which you knew could leave you with the soreness you were feeling. You were especially sore where Dean had stabbed your thigh.

You laid back again, letting out a sigh. You knew you should probably get up and find out what happened—actually, what day it was even—but you weren’t sure you even wanted to know.

Thankfully, the decision was made for you when Sam opened the door to your room.

“Y/N, thank God, you’re awake. How do you feel?” He asked, sitting next to you on the bed and stroking your head.

“Mmm, just a little sore. But I’m alive,” you said, smiling at him. He gave you a small smile back. “So…what happened?”

Sam sighed. “Well, Cas was able to get some more stolen grace. That’s how he healed you. He got Dean restrained, and we finished the cure.”

“You finished the cure? So Dean is—“

“Human, yes,” Sam said with a small smile. You weren’t sure how to feel about that. You were glad that Dean was no longer an evil son-of-a-bitch, but at the same time, this meant you would have to face him—the real him—again.

“That’s...that’s great, Sammy. I’m so proud of you,” you said, reaching up to hug him.

When you laid back, Sam ran his hands through his hair. "Listen, I know that this will be weird for both of you. Dean is willing to give you as much space as you need, okay? I don’t want you to worry about anything.”

You nodded. “Okay. I—I’m gonna go take a shower, okay?” Sam searched your face, trying to understand how you were feeling.

“Okay,” he said, leaning down and giving you a kiss. “I’ll make you some food.”

You nodded and carefully got up from the bed, stretching out your sore muscles. You went into the bathroom and turned on the water nearly as hot as it could go. You stepped under the hot spray and stood there, trying to make sense of the thoughts rushing around your head.

_Dean is human. He’s back. Will he be sorry for what he did? He had no problem cheating on me, so why would he have a problem_ _with beating me up? Both left me pretty hurt_.

You chastised yourself for thinking like that. Of course he’d be sorry. Regardless of your past, he was never abusive before he was a demon. You sighed and started washing your hair. You could only stall for so long before you had to see Dean, and you knew it.

 


	15. Chapter 15

Dean

Dean sat at the kitchen table with a cup of steaming coffee. He kept his head down, not wanting to look at Sam or Cas if they walked through the kitchen. He couldn’t bear to see the disappointment and hurt in their eyes.

Besides, whatever they’re feeling could only amplify the hatred Dean felt for himself. The things he had done—they played like a movie over and over in his mind. He had killed—a lot. And it’s not like he hadn’t killed before, unfortunately. But when he was a demon, he killed for no reason. Just because he enjoyed it and it fed the Mark.

It was like there was a black hole inside him, and he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to keep it from swallowing him whole.

“She uh, she’s awake,” Sam said, coming into the kitchen.

Dean felt a flutter in his stomach. Possibly the thing he felt the most guilty about was what he had done to you. Dean squeezed his eyes closed, the images of you beaten and bloody flashing through his mind.

“Did…did she say anything?” Dean asked cautiously.

“Not really. I told her you would be willing to give her some space and she just kind of nodded. She’s showering right now,” Sam said, opening the refrigerator.

Dean closed his eyes and put his head in his hands. He had no idea what he would say to you. ‘Sorry’ almost felt like a slap in the face. He would never be able to make it up to you. Add the fact that you already hated him for what happened in the past…it didn’t look good.

Sam threw together some breakfast—Dean assumed for you—and joined him at the table when he was done. Sam sighed, causing Dean to look up at him.

“So, are we gonna talk about it?” Sam asked.

“What’s there to talk about, Sammy? I told you I’m sorry. I will never be able to make it up to any of you.”

“That’s not what I mean, Dean. No one blames you for what you did when you were a demon. You were a _demon_ —and not by choice, I might add,” Sam responded. Dean looked at Sam and saw forgiveness in his eyes, forgiveness that he didn’t feel he deserved. But that was Sam—he was always quick to forgive Dean for anything he did. Well, except when he let an angel possess him. Dean felt the usual guilt about that subject flash through him.

_God, I’ve screwed up so many times._

“Besides, Dean, I’d have to be an idiot to not see that you’re already beating yourself up enough for all of us.”

Dean let out a small puff of air that resembled a chuckle and gave his brother a half-smile. “Well, man, to tell you the truth, I don’t want to talk about anything that happened when I was a demon. It’s shitty—all of it.” Dean fidgeted with his coffee cup, spinning it around in his hands. “Besides, there are other things that happened while I was gone we need to talk about.”

Dean lifted his eyebrows at Sam, and he swore he saw Sammy blush a little bit.

Sam reached up and rubbed the back of his neck. “Uh, yeah. Well, I uh, I called Y/N when I was looking for you cause I needed help. We really hadn’t seen each other since the two of you…” he trailed off. “Anyway, we became close again, and here we are.”

Dean nodded. “That’s uh, that’s great, Sammy,” he said, though he could feel a twist of jealousy in his stomach.

"Dean, it’s not gonna be weird or anything, is it?” Sam asked, his eyes concerned.

“No, man, I’m happy for you, okay? Both of you,” Dean responded. He wouldn’t admit to Sam that seeing them together made him jealous. His brother deserved you, and you deserved him. Dean made his decision two years ago, and he had to live with that.

Sam and Dean heard steps coming down the hall slowly, and he knew it was you coming.

_Well, this is it._

 

* * *

 

 

You

You walked down the hall slowly, dreading the next few minutes that you knew were going to be awkward. You weren’t sure how you were going to feel when you saw Dean. Angry? Sad? Scared? Relieved?

You stopped just before you got to the doorway of the kitchen and sucked in a deep breath.

_Well, this is it._

You walked through the doorway and saw Sam and Dean sitting at the kitchen table. Sam gave you an encouraging smile, and you tried to smile back—though you knew it probably looked horrific. Your eyes slid across the table to Dean, who was staring down at his coffee cup. You tried to gauge your feelings, but you were still unsure which one was the most prevalent.

“Hi, Dean,” you said softly. Dean closed his eyes for a moment before slowly turning his head to look at you. His bright green eyes found yours. They were filled with sadness, fear, and what you figured was probably guilt.

When you looked into his eyes, though, you were glad to find that you weren’t scared. More than anything, you felt bad for him.

It would be easy to be mad at him, sure. But what good would it do? He wasn’t himself when he hurt you, and what happened two years ago…well, you had spent enough time being angry and sad about that.

“Y/N,” Dean finally responded. He said your name softly, and with just the one word, you felt the deep sorrow he had for what he had done.

You decided to take control of the situation. If you were going to stay here with Sam, things couldn’t be weird between you and Dean. You walked forward, and Dean stood, clearly unsure of if you were going to hit him or not. You knew one-hundred percent that he would let you if you had wanted to.

Instead, you wrapped your arms around his torso and hugged him—hard. He stood in shock for a moment before returning the hug, placing his arms around you and squeezing. He rested his head on top of yours.

You pulled back from the hug and looked at his face. “Good to see you’re not a dick anymore,” you said. Dean smiled his first real smile since you had entered the room, and you broke apart from him, walking over to the plate of food Sam had made for you.

You knew things probably would still be awkward for a while, but you were glad you could at least make him feel a little better for the time being. 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a longer one! Kudos and comments are always appreciated :) Thanks, beautiful readers!

Sam

Things between the three of you had been a little awkward over the last few weeks. Sam and your relationship was still pretty good, but it was hard to watch you and Dean around each other. You had forgiven him, that was clear. But Dean couldn’t forgive himself, and Sam knew it was possible that he never would.

Sam was laying in bed with you, the two of you having just woken up. He smiled down at you as you were wrapped up in his arms. Your eyes were still sleepy, but he couldn’t help but notice how damn beautiful you were.

Sam leaned in and kissed you slowly and tenderly. You returned it twofold, pressing your body to Sam’s, leaving nearly no space between you. He ran his hands up and down your torso, taking in your curves and smooth skin with his long fingers.

Sam rolled all the way onto his back and pulled you easily on top of him without breaking your kiss. He was already hard, and felt himself grow even harder at the feel of your center rubbing against him. You were in just your panties and a t-shirt while he was in just his boxers, leaving very little between you and him.

You both became more frantic, the friction causing you both to pant. Sam reached up and pulled your shirt off, leaving you in nothing but your panties. You continued to rub yourself against him while he took your breasts in his hands, kneading and rubbing his thumbs over your nipples. He had never been with a woman with more perfect proportions. Your breasts fit perfectly in his hands, which he loved.

Sam pulled you down so he could take one in his mouth. He lavished it with kisses and sucked and lightly bit your nipples. You let out a small moan, which only turned Sam on all the more.

Sam flipped you over so your back was on the bed, and slid his boxers off. While he did, you reached down and pulled off your panties before placing your hand on your clit and rubbing small circles. The movement drove him crazy; it was so sexy.

He grabbed your hand and pulled it away, replacing it with his mouth. He licked circles around your clit and long laps up and down your entrance. He looked up and saw your head thrown back and your back arched. Your eyes were closed and you were making the most perfect sounds of contentment. Sam smiled and laughed a little, the vibration of his mouth making you moan even more.

Sam put two long fingers inside you, finding the spot he knew would send you over the edge. You wound your fingers in his hair—a gesture he absolutely loved—and he felt you tighten around his fingers. You came, Sam’s name on your lips.

_I’ve never loved my name more_.

After you came down from your high, you looked at Sam with glazed over eyes. You sat up, pulling him up with you. You brought him to the edge of the bed before kneeling before him. You looked up at him and licked your lips, making his cock twitch.

You took him in your hand for just a moment before sliding your beautiful lips over him and taking him all the way in your mouth. The feeling was bliss, and when you started moving up and down Sam feared he wouldn’t last long. He held your hair back and closed his eyes.

After a few minutes, you pulled your head back and let him come out of your mouth with a ‘pop’. You licked the tip for a moment, and Sam knew he couldn’t wait to be inside you any longer.

He stood up roughly and picked you up before throwing you gently down on the bed on your stomach.

“Knees up, sweetheart,” he said. As soon as you were bent in front of him he slammed into you, his pace fast. You adjusted to him quickly and he was moving in and out of you, his skin slapping against yours. Sam reached forward and placed his hand on your clit, rubbing quick circles there.

You both worked your way back to a climax quickly. Sam knew he was going to come, so he adjusted his angle so he would hit your G spot. When he did, he felt you tighten again before falling over the edge, moaning into the pillow as you went. Soon after, Sam spilled himself inside you until he was spent.

He rolled off you and you were both panting and sweaty. You smiled at each other before snuggling in again to sleep for a little while longer. Sam held you as you fell asleep, still not sure how he got so lucky to have you.

 

* * *

 

 

Sam was in the kitchen a few days later talking with Dean. It was fairly early in the morning, and he had been surprised to see his brother awake at that hour.

“What’re you doing up?” Sam asked when Dean walked in.

“Oh, just couldn’t sleep all that well. Lots to think about, you know?”

“Yeah. Are you okay?” Sam asked, suspicious of the dark circles under his brother’s eyes. Dean had never really had too much trouble sleeping. He could sleep for two hours three nights in a row and still look better than he did then.

"Yeah, I just…I’ve been thinking about Y/N. Do you think she still hates me?” Dean asked, his eyes filled with guilt.

Sam thought for a moment. “It seems like she’s forgiven you for nearly killing her, so I would say no, definitely not ‘hate.’” Dean nodded, and Sam continued. “For what you did two years ago, though…I don’t know if she can ever forgive you for that.”

“I don’t blame her, I guess,” Dean responded dejectedly.

Sam felt a little anger flare up inside his stomach. “Dean, I just don’t get it. How could you cheat on her? Y/N is amazing, and I know how you felt about her. How could you just throw that away?”

“I don’t know, Sammy. I just did,” Dean said.

“Not even just that, but also the way you hurt her. I saw her face as she walked away that night. She was broken. How could you do that to her?” Sam asked angrily.

Dean just shook his head, not wanting to answer, which made Sam even more angry.

“Answer me, Dean. How could you do it? Why did you do it? I just didn’t think you would ever do something like that. How could you not have found everything you needed in Y/N? Was it really worth—“

“I never cheated on her, okay?!” Dean yelled. Sam sat stunned for a moment.

“What?” Sam asked, having a hard time understanding. Dean pushed away from the table, standing to his feet and pacing.

“I never cheated on Y/N. I only told her I did.”

“Why would you do that?” Sam asked, still confused.

“Because, Sammy. She was perfect. I loved her, I really did. But I was gonna fuck it up, I just knew it. She waited for me and looked for me while I was in purgatory. When I got back, I was different—I was less than I was before. And she deserved better than that. She deserved someone who was normal,” Dean said. He had stopped pacing, and Sam stared at him as he leaned against the counter.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Sam finally asked.

“Because, the two of you are best friends. I knew you would tell her, and I couldn’t have that. She would come back to me, and I needed her to move on,” Dean explained.

“Well, you’re going to tell her now,” Sam responded, his face serious. He knew that telling you meant that he may even lose you, but he also knew he needed you to be able to make that choice.

“No, Sam, you can’t tell her. You two are happy, and I’m not getting in the way of that,” Dean said, stubborn as he always was.

“You have to tell her, Dean. You can’t keep this from her. She deserves to know!” Sam exclaimed. Dean stared at him, conflict clear in his eyes. Sam knew if Dean didn’t tell you, he would have to. Dean was always trying to protect people, and this was how he did it: by sacrificing himself. Sam had seen it so many times and he knew how it felt when he was on the other end of that. He wouldn’t let Dean do that to you, too.

 

\--------------

 

You

It had been a few weeks since Dean was cured. The three of you hung out at the bunker a lot, Dean still not quite ready to get back to hunting. You knew that Sam was secretly looking for a way to get rid of the Mark of Cain, but had come up with nothing so far. You were hoping he would find something, but hadn’t really seen the Mark’s effect on Dean since he was human again.

You were walking down the hall one morning, heading toward the kitchen to get some coffee. You heard Sam and Dean talking, and it sounded a little heated, so you stopped to listen before you went in.

“…have to tell her, Dean. You can’t keep this from her. She deserves to know!” Sam said. There was silence for a moment, followed by Dean clearing his throat.

“I can’t, Sammy. I just want her to be my friend again, and I’m not going to do anything that could get in the way of you two.”

“You know what, whatever,” Sam said. You heard him stalking angrily toward the library through the other door. You leaned back against the wall, unsure of what to think. You didn’t know what it was that Sam wanted Dean to tell you, but you knew it was something big.

You weren’t sure what to do, but most of all you weren’t sure you could handle any jarring news right then anyway. You decided to let it go for the time being. You knew it wouldn’t last long, but what was more important was finding a way to live with the two brothers you loved at different times.

 


	17. Chapter 17

Dean

Dean leaned over the open hood of his baby to inspect the engine. He hadn’t cared for her the way he should have while he was a demon, and he was paying for it now.

He was absorbed in the work, but after a few minutes he heard a throat clearing. Dean backed up from under the hood and saw that you were there leaning against the car.

“Oh, hey, Y/N, what’s up?” He asked. He wasn’t sure how long you had been there but he hoped he hadn't done anything to make himself look like an idiot.

_Not that I should care what she thinks._

“Nothing much. Sam just went out for a run and to grab some food, so I thought I'd see what you’re up to,” you replied.

“Oh, well I’m just doing some overdue work on my baby. But you can stay if you want,” Dean said. He wasn’t sure if it was really a good idea to spend an extended amount of time with you, but he wasn’t able to stop himself from offering.

“Uh, yeah. Sure,” you said. Dean closed the hood and was about to begin touching up scratches and dents in the car. Seeing this, you climbed up on the hood so you’d be out of the way. Dean watched as you scooted up so you could lean back on the windshield. He couldn’t help but remember the times you had done the very same thing when the two of you were together a few years ago. Dean felt a small ache in his heart before shoving it down so he wouldn’t think about it.

“So. Wanna fill me in on your life from the last few years?” Dean asked cautiously. He wasn’t sure how you’d react because of the way you’d left things. For all he knew, you didn’t want him to know about your life. You’d probably just as well never speak to him again if it weren’t for the fact that you were dating his brother.

“Hmm. Well, after…you know…I went back home, spent some time with my dad.”

Dean didn’t miss how you didn’t want to say “after you cheated on me.” Shaking his head to clear the thought, he instead thought of your dad. Dean had known your dad for most of his life. He was a gruff man—definitely rough around the edges. But he was also kind. Dean would never forget when the two of you had told him that you were together. Dean was expecting a punch in the face. Instead, he got a big bear hug and your dad’s signature twinkle in his eye—the same twinkle you had whenever you talked about him.

“That must have been fun. I miss your dad. He’s a cool guy,” Dean said, bending down to buff out a scratch on the passenger door.

Dean heard you suck in a big breath. At first he thought maybe you were annoyed that he was talking about him. But when he looked up at you, he saw you wipe away a tear.

“Y/N? What’s wrong?” Dean asked, standing up.

You let out a little puff of air that resembled a chuckle, shaking your head. “God, I’m sorry. I guess I forgot that you didn’t know. My dad…he’s gone. Killed by a shifter.”

Dean felt his stomach drop. “Fuck, I’m so sorry, Y/N. How…how long has it been?”

“About a year.”

Dean looked at you, noticing how strong you were being. He knew you, though. He knew that this had to be the hardest thing you’d ever been through. Before he could think better of it, he found himself walking to the edge of the hood and pulling you into a hug. He smoothed your hair down and squeezed you tight. He wasn’t good with words—that was for sure. So he did the only thing he could think of.

Dean felt you relax a little into his embrace, and he was glad. He pulled back and looked you in the eyes, his hands on your shoulders. “Listen, you know I’m not great with feelings and crap, but I know what you’re going through. If you need to talk, I’m here.”

You smiled a little bit, your y/e/c eyes bouncing between his. Dean was ashamed to find himself looking at your lips. He wouldn’t admit it to himself, but he had a feeling he wanted to kiss you really badly.

 

\--------

  
You

Dean’s green eyes were flicking back and forth between your mouth and your eyes. You had known him long enough to know what he was thinking.

You felt your heart speed up, which made you mad. You couldn’t and _wouldn’t_ have feelings for this man again. You were with Sam, who was perfect. Besides, you had been down that road before, and you knew how it ended.

More anger fired inside you as you thought about what Dean was doing. How could he possibly be looking at you like that when he knows what he did to you? Did he really think you’d just forget? Not to mention the fact that you were with his brother.

You suddenly shoved back from him, hopping down off the car. You were suddenly fuming, and you paced around in front of the Impala.

“Y/N, what’s wrong?” Dean asked, concerned.

“What’s wrong? Fuck you, that’s what’s wrong!” You replied. You couldn’t contain the anger anymore. “Are you kidding me with this shit? I mean, I can forgive you for beating the crap out of me. You were a demon. But how can you look at me like that? You broke my heart, Dean--shattered it. You don’t get the right to look at me like that anymore!”

Dean stood silently, his eyes wide. He looked torn, like he wasn’t sure what to say. He sucked in a deep breath before speaking. “Y/N, I’m sorry, okay? I will never be able to make it up to you, I know that. I just wanted to be your friend.”

“I hate to break it to you, Dean, but friends don’t look at each other like that. I know that look. As much as I’d like to forget it, I was with you for two years.”

Dean had a look of heartbreak at your words, but you didn’t care. He deserved to feel some of what you felt. “Listen, I’ll be nice to you for Sam’s sake, but as for us being friends: don’t hold your breath.” With that you turned to leave, but before you got anywhere you slammed into Sam’s tall body. He had just been walking into the garage so you thought he only heard the last part when you told Dean not to hold his breath.

Sam grabbed you by the arms and looked at you, sadness in his eyes. His gaze moved upward and he spoke to Dean. “Tell her, Dean. Tell her, or I will.”

You furrowed your brow in confusion. “Tell me what?” You asked, searching Sam’s face.

“Sammy, please…” Dean said from behind you. His voice sounded pained, and you turned to look at him.

“I’m serious,” Sam said.

“What, Dean? What do you have to tell me?” You asked, a little edge still in your voice.

“Listen, Y/N, before I tell you this you have to understand that I changed after I came back from Purgatory. I was different, and I didn’t know how to handle it.”

“Just tell me, Dean,” you said, not wanting to hear excuses.

Dean closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I…I never cheated on you. I lied.”

You stood with your eyes wide, trying to make sense of the words he said. “Wh—how—why?”

“I needed you to hate me. I needed you to find someone better.”

You finally understood. He did what he always did: he ended things because he thought it would help you. As soon as you understood, your mind went blank. You stared at Dean, not even sure you knew who he was anymore.

Then you were running.


	18. Chapter 18

You made it to your room and slammed the door. You paced back and forth in front of the bed like a woman possessed.

It felt like your brain was trying to re-wire itself.

_Dean never cheated on me?_

_He told me he did to protect me?_

_Everything I’ve hated him for in the last two years was a lie?_

Then you remembered that it _was_ a lie.

_Is he fucking serious? He lied to me instead of just telling me what he was worried about. He pushed me away just so he wouldn’t have to deal with his feelings—again._

_And then there’s Sam. He knew about this—God knows for how long, at least a few weeks—and didn’t tell me._

You were fuming. You couldn’t even see straight, and you began to hyperventilate. The emotions swirling around in your head were too much to handle. You sat down on the bed, trying to catch your breath. Then, there was a soft knock on your door.

“Whoever it is I don’t want to talk to you,” you said firmly between heaving breaths. There was no response from the other side, just the small sound of feet shuffling away. Both brothers knew not to mess with you when you were this upset, especially since both of them were the current reason for your anger.

You thought of the one calming presence you needed. The one who had been your friend for years. The one you hadn’t seen much of and missed.

There was a rustle of wings behind you and you smiled a bit despite your anger.

“Y/N,” his gravelly voice said as he placed a hand lightly on your shoulder.

You stood up and turned around, immediately placing yourself in the angel’s embrace. “Cas,” you said. As he returned the hug, you felt the tears start to fall. Cas pulled away, tilting his head in his signature “trying-to-understand-human-feelings” look.

Cas placed his hands on your face. “I can sense your anguish,” he said.

"Did you know, Cas?” You asked, sniffling.

"I assume you’re referring to the fact that Dean lied about having an affair.” Cas placed his hands on your shoulders as you nodded. “I had my suspicions. Dean never specifically told me that he lied, but I know him very well. I did not think he would do such a thing.”

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. “Am I an idiot, Cas? Why did I believe him?”

“You are not an idiot, Y/N.” Cas walked you over to the bed and gestured for you both to sit. “The only reason I did not believe it is because as an angel I can see into people a little deeper than humans can.”

“Yeah, but Cas—I loved him. Don’t you think that means I should have seen a little deeper?” You asked, hanging your head.

Cas gently lifted your chin so you would meet his eyes. “Sometimes pain covers up the ability to see deeper—to see anything except the hurt.”

You smiled a little. “Cassie, when did you go and get so smart about human emotions?”

“Well, being without grace can do that to an angel, or so I’ve come to surmise. It was the hardest time in my life—but also the most profound.”

You smiled again and leaned into him. He wrapped his arm around you and rested his head on yours—another very human movement. “So what am I supposed to do now?” You asked, feeling completely confused.

“I think you’ll have to look past the pain,” Cas said. You closed your eyes, wishing you could find an easier answer. You had no idea how to even begin to do what Cas was suggesting.

 

\----------

  
Sam

In all the time Sam had spent with his brother, he had never seen him as torn up as he was now—except for one night: the night he “cheated” on you, which Sam now knew was a lie.

“Why the hell did you make me tell her, Sam?” Dean asked angrily as he paced around the kitchen.

Sam shifted his weight from foot to foot with nervous energy. “She deserved to know, Dean,” he replied quietly.

“Sam, all this is going to do is confuse her! Is that really what you want?” Dean asked, stopping his rapid pacing to look at Sam.

“Of course not, Dean! But she deserves the chance to be confused, or—or mad, or hell, to be completely fine if that’s what she wants. You can’t keep telling people what they should feel by not telling them anything!” Dean’s brow furrowed in confusion. “That was worded poorly, but it makes sense, trust me,” Sam said, shaking his head at his older brother.

Dean rolled his eyes. “Well what are we going to do if she won’t talk to us?”

“We just need to give her time. She’ll talk to us eventually,” Sam replied.

“Time? Give her time? How can we give her time when she’s in there hating us?” He said, pointing toward your room. “This is all my fault, Sam. Every time I try to do something good it ends up hurting everyone.” Dean was pacing again, and Sam reached out to try to calm him down.

“Don’t touch me, Sam!” Dean said, pushing him roughly away. Sam’s back ran into the counter. He could see Dean was getting worked up, and he needed to calm him down before he did something he would regret.

“Dean, come on, it’s gonna be okay,” Sam said, reaching out to grasp his arm. When he did, he saw the Mark glow red. Before he could react, Dean’s fist smashed into Sam’s face.

Sam felt a burst of pain in his nose, which immediately started bleeding. He stumbled back, his hand gripping his nose.

"Shit, Sammy, are you okay?” Dean asked, bringing a towel to Sam for his nose.

“Y—Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Sam, God, I don’t know why I did that. I’m so sorry,” Dean said, stepping back and looking at his hands.

“Dean, it’s okay,” Sam said nasally. “I saw the Mark. It’s not your fault.”

Dean squeezed his eyes shut. “That’s just it, isn’t it, Sammy?” He said, opening his eyes and shaking his head. “It’s never my fault. All those people I killed and tortured as a demon? The violence and killing because of the Mark? We can’t keep blaming everything but me.” He turned around but stopped before leaving. “And by the way, this stuff with Y/N? That’s on me. All of it.”

Sam watched as Dean walked out the door and toward the garage. He wished he could somehow make Dean see what a good person he is. He made a mistake—sure. What he did to you was selfish. But it didn’t make him a bad person.

Sam sighed, going to the sink. He began to clean the now-dried blood of his face, unsure of what to do about the two people he loved most being upset.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A tiny update for your Tuesday night pleasure.

You

You spent the rest of the day and night in your room, trying to sort through your thoughts and feelings. You hadn’t been able to sleep because your mind wouldn’t shut off.

You were pissed at Dean, that much you knew. What was even more infuriating was that when you looked past the pain and anger like Cas suggested, you knew you had a soft spot for Dean—a soft spot that you didn’t feel he deserved at the moment.

For the past two years you had felt like shit. When the man you thought loved you told you he cheated, it made you feel worthless. It made you feel like you weren’t pretty enough, or funny enough—or anything enough. To find out the real reason he told you that was because he was scared really sucked.

It was morning, and you knew you couldn’t stay in your room forever. You quietly opened your door, hoping not to alert anyone that you were awake. When you did, though, the sight before you had you sighing and shaking your head.

The Winchester brothers were sitting opposite your door with their backs against the wall. They had fallen asleep and were resting their heads on each other’s shoulders. Part of you wanted to laugh and take a picture to use against them later. The other part was still angry, though, and that’s the part that made you walk past them and to the kitchen to get some coffee.

When you were sitting with your steaming cup of coffee at the kitchen table, you heard voices drift from down the hall.

“Sam, Sammy! Wake up! She’s gone!”

“What? We weren’t supposed to fall asleep! Where is she?”

“Damn it, I knew we should have taken shifts!”

You heard the sound of the brothers struggling to their feet and running clumsily down the hall. When they reached the kitchen, you sat staring at them, your eyebrow raised. The boys were panting, but the look of relief to see you was evident in their eyes.

“Oh, thank God you’re still here,” Sam said, walking over to you. He looked like he was going to hug you, but you put your hands up.

“Where would I be?” You asked, your annoyance poorly veiled.

“We—we thought that maybe you would leave here—like, leave the bunker. We couldn’t let you do that,” Dean replied. You refused to look at him, and while you knew it was fairly immature, you couldn’t help it. You didn’t want to see the look of guilt on his face at that moment.

“I’m pissed. That doesn’t mean I’m going to leave,” you said in a monotone voice. You got up from the table and placed your cup in the sink before heading to the bathroom to take a shower.

_This is not going to be easy,_ you thought to yourself.

  
Dean

Dean watched as you brushed past him without looking at him at all. He wasn’t sure what to do to make you talk to him again, and he knew he shouldn’t care as much as he did. He had tried drinking his pain away the night before but found it hard to get down even one glass of whiskey before he gave up and came home. He thought of the look of shock on Sam’s face when he had come home only an hour after he left, completely sober.

Dean wracked his brain for a way to communicate with you—a way to make you understand how sorry he was. He knew you wouldn’t talk to him, so that was out. Sam shrugged his shoulders after you left and went about making himself some breakfast. Dean knew that Sam was upset that you were mad, but Sam also didn’t seem to think there was anything to be done about it.

That wasn’t the way Dean handled things.

Dean shuffled to the library, still tired from the crappy sleep he got sitting on the floor and leaning against his giant of a brother. He sat down at the table with a sheet of paper and a pen. He stared at the paper for what felt like an hour. He wasn’t good with words when he was speaking, so he had thought he would try writing it down.

This is still hard.

Flustered, he laid his head down on the table. Before he could stop himself, he was remembering moments from his relationship with you. They flashed through his mind like he was watching a movie.

_You, sitting on his lap with his arms tight around your stomach, laughing._

_You, taking on two werewolves at once and killing them like it was nothing._

_You, lying beneath him in bed, looking up at him with lust in your eyes._

Dean lifted his head and began to write.

 


	20. Chapter 20

You

You were back in your room after your shower. The boys had left you alone for a while, which was good for you. It gave you time to think some more.

You knew you really couldn’t be all that mad at Sam. He was the one who wanted Dean to tell you, after all. And really, he didn’t know for all that long before he made Dean tell you. You realized this when you remembered the heated conversation you overheard in the kitchen.

There was a light knock on the door, and somehow you knew it was Sam. “Come in,” you said softly.

Sam poked his shaggy-haired head through the door, unsure of what he would find. You were sitting on your bed, your hair damp from your shower. Sam came in all the way and gently closed the door.

“Hi,” he said cautiously.

“Hi,” you replied.

“Can—Can we talk?”

You nodded, and Sam came to sit next to you on the bed. “So…talk,” you said.

“I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I just didn’t think it was my place,” Sam began. He ran his hands through his hair before continuing. “Listen, Dean does some really stupid things—I know that. But everything he does is because he’s trying to do the right thing. I mean, I know he shouldn’t have lied. But when he got back from Purgatory, he was pretty messed up.”

“Don’t you think I know that? I was dating him, for God’s sakes. But that was something we could have worked through together. He didn’t even give me the chance.” You looked at Sam’s face for what felt like the first time that day. “Do you have a bruise on your nose?” You asked, examining his face.

“Oh, uh, yeah. Dean and I kind of got into it and the Mark sort of took over,” he said, shifting his eyes away.

You looked up at the ceiling, trying to ignore the worry you felt for Dean. “Sam, why are you even defending him?”

Sam sighed deeply. “Because he’s my brother.”

You felt a little anger rise up inside you. “Well I’m your girlfriend. I’m not asking you to choose me over him or anything, but I’m just surprised that you haven’t even tried to take my side.”

“Someone has to be on Dean’s side. He certainly isn’t.” Sam closed his eyes before opening them and looking right into yours. “Y/N, I’ve been thinking, and maybe we should take a little break for now. Trying to figure out what you feel about everything with Dean while also dating his brother is…complicated. And messy.”

You looked at him, unsure of what to say. You were sad that he wanted to break up for now, but for some reason you weren’t devastated like you would have thought. Sam was so considerate, and sometimes that was wonderful. However, in times like this, it could be a little off-putting. You wanted him to fight for you, not roll over and say you can figure out what your feelings are.

“If that’s what you want.” You heaved a sigh. “Sam, do you think it’s weird that we are just…okay with taking a break from each other? That we aren’t more upset—that we aren’t clinging to each other?”

Sam pursed his lips. “I didn’t really want to think too much into that, but yes, it’s weird. I love you, Y/N. But maybe it’s not the kind of love we need right now.” With that, Sam got up and left the room, leaving you alone again.

Frustrated, you laid back on your bed, staring at the ceiling. You were pretty sure you and Sam had just broken up. And while you were sad, you knew it was probably for the best. Dating him had been great. It had been like spending all your time with your best friend…plus some benefits. But the two of you weren’t…passionate with each other. And that was a problem.

You closed your eyes for a few minutes. After a while, you heard a small rustling coming from your door. You sat up and saw that a piece of notebook paper had been slid under your door. You got up and carefully picked it up before sitting back on your bed. When you opened it, you saw Dean’s small handwriting scrawled on the page.

 

_Y/N-_

_I know you hate me, and I get it. I don’t know how to even tell you how sorry I am. Lying to you that night—it was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. And I’ve made a lot of mistakes._

_That night…I was scared. I realized that I couldn’t control you, and that meant I couldn’t keep you safe. I don’t know why it took me two years in our relationship to figure that out—you were always so fiercely independent. But when I did, I didn’t want to risk losing you. So I lied to you. I made you hate me so you wouldn’t come near me anymore. It was the only way to keep me from you._

_What I didn’t realize was that losing you—whether by death or by my stupid decisions—was just as painful either way. Y/N, I know these words don’t make up for what I did. But you need to know that I have regretted what I did every day for the past two years._

_I pushed you away—but I never stopped loving you._

_-D_

 

  
A tear fell on the page as you finished reading. His words were beautiful. You didn’t even know Dean had these kind of words in him. Tears still streaming down your face, you got up and walked out of your room.

 

\-------------

  
Dean

Dean was sitting in the library, waiting for your response—or lack thereof—to his note. Sam had gone out for a run after he talked to you—he told Dean that the two of you had broken up. So Dean was alone with his thoughts until you talked to him or Sam returned.

He laid his head down again, his forehead resting on the cool wood of the table. He knew what he had written was risky. He also knew that it was what he felt, and he couldn’t keep that to himself any longer.

Dean heard your footsteps approaching quickly and his head shot up from the table.

“What the _fuck_ is this?” You yelled as you stomped into the room.

“Y/N, I—“ Dean began before being cut off.

“You never stopped _loving_ me? Are you kidding me?” Dean kept his mouth shut. He knew you weren't done. “You can’t just slip this note under my door and think I will just forgive you! I get that you’re sorry, okay? But you made me feel worthless, Dean! And I don’t know what you think—“

Dean cut you off, closing the distance between you. He pulled your mouth up toward his and captured it in a kiss. You were taken by surprise, but after a moment you were returning it, both of you panting. Dean pulled your body flush with his and ran his tongue along your bottom lip. You opened for him, and he couldn’t believe how much he had missed something as simple as your taste.

Seemingly coming to your senses, you pushed hard on Dean’s chest. Dean stumbled back and watched as you placed your fingers on your lips, trying to process what just happened. With wide eyes, you looked at Dean before turning around and running back to your room. Even though Dean knew he wasn’t out of the woods yet, he knew that you felt that kiss. He sure as hell did.

 


	21. Chapter 21

You

You had laid in bed all night thinking after the kiss with Dean. It didn’t help that you also felt the need to avoid Sam after your breakup. You stayed under your covers, pretending the outside world didn’t exist.

Luckily, a distraction arose. Sam knocked on your door early the next morning to tell you that Jody needed help with a case. You were definitely glad to go do something that would keep your mind occupied, but you were even more glad to get to see Jody.

In the time since your mom had died, you had never really had a mother figure. Your dad was definitely not one to join the dating market, and the hunting world is generally made up by mostly men. When you met Jody, though, you had an instant connection to her. And even though you wouldn’t really consider her your “mom,” you still loved getting to see her and ask her advice on things. Plus, she had the same take-no-shit attitude you had, which made you kindred spirits.

You were the first one ready and in the Impala. The boys—who had presumably been sleeping before they got the call—took a little longer, dragging themselves into the garage with to-go coffee cups.

_Shit. The car ride._

You hadn’t thought about the awkward silence that was bound to happen when you began your trip. Thankfully, though, Dean immediately turned on some classic rock at a high volume. Sam put his headphones in and leaned his head against the window to sleep some more.

You leaned back in the seat, still exhausted from your lack of sleep. You looked out the window for most of the trip, but every once in a while you would catch Dean looking at you in the rear-view mirror. He would quickly avert his gaze, and you would roll your eyes before looking back out the window.

The only conversation to be had during the trip was about the hunt for which Jody needed your help. It was a couple of shifters—your favorite. Ever since they killed your dad, you had loved hunting those bastards the best. You knew it probably wasn’t healthy to get fake revenge like that, but you didn’t really care.

After hours of driving with very few stops, you were itching to get out of the car. The tension in the air was suffocating. When you pulled up to Jody’s house, you immediately hopped out, not bothering to help with anything from the trunk.

“Honey, I’m home!” You yelled as you opened the door to the house.

Jody came around the corner from the kitchen wiping her hands on a towel. She had a slight look of confusion, but she smiled as soon as she knew it was you.

“Well I wasn’t expecting to see you! I’m glad you’re here, though. Lord knows I have a hard time wrangling those damn Winchester brothers,” she said as she hugged you. You chuckled a little, wanting to humor her but not wanting to talk about them.

The boys came in shortly after and Jody hugged them too, admonishing them for not calling more often.

“Come on in! I just made dinner, and there’s lots since Alex is staying with a friend this weekend,” she said, leading you all to the dining table.

“This smells fantastic, Jody,” you said. It really did. She had made chicken with an incredible white sauce on it along with steamed veggies and mashed potatoes. You looked over at the boys, who were already eating as if they hadn’t seen food in days.

“God, you guys,” you said, giving them a glare and motioning your head toward Jody.

“Oh, uh, thanks, Jody. This is really good,” Sam said. Dean said something similar, but it was hard to tell around all the mashed potatoes he had shoved in his mouth.

Jody chuckled, and looked at you as she began eating too. “So, lady, what’s been going on with you? I haven’t seen you in a few years. What’s new?”

If only you knew, you thought to yourself. It wasn’t the time to tell her the truth, though.

“Oh, you know, just hunting and stuff. Hooked back up with these two a few months back.” Your face turned beet red as soon as you realized how poorly you had chosen your words. Jody looked at you, confused again, and you knew you would be doing some explaining later.

The rest of dinner was spent catching Jody up on what had happened with Dean and hearing about the various adventures Jody was experiencing raising a teenager. You helped take the plates to the kitchen when everyone was done eating and heard Jody from the other room.

“Why don’t you boys go pick us up some pie and ice cream for dessert? We’ll take care of the dishes.”

You heard the boys agree and the front door open and close. You were washing dishes at the sink when you saw Jody come up next to you in your peripheral vision.

“So. Wanna explain what’s going on with all that? You could cut the tension with a knife,” she said, nudging you with her elbow while drying off the dishes you rinsed.

“Hmm, how to explain,” you began, not looking up from your work. “My best friend--who also happens to be my ex-boyfriend’s brother--called me to help find said ex-boyfriend who had become a demon. My best friend then became my boyfriend and we found and cured my ex-boyfriend. Then my ex-boyfriend told me that he had been lying to me about cheating on me for two years. My then boyfriend broke up with me, and first ex-boyfriend kissed me.”

Jody had stopped drying and was just staring at you, open-mouthed. She sucked in a breath. “Okay,” she said with wide eyes.

You sighed, closing your eyes. “Yeah.”

“Let's go sit down,” she said, pulling you toward the living room.

You explained everything in detail about what had happened—Jody listening and not interrupting the entire time. When you finally finished, you felt a tear run down your cheek.

“Jody, what am I going to do?”

“Well first off,” she said, wiping the tear away from your cheek, “you’re not going to cry over these boys. They have caused you enough grief.”

You gave her a little half smile, trying to hold back the tears.

“Secondly, you have to figure out your feelings. As much as I know those two can be dumber than a box of rocks, I also know that they care about you. And it’s clear you care about them.”

“Yeah, but I have no idea how long that could take. It’s all so confusing,” you said, rubbing your hand over your face.

“I know. But you have as much time as you want. Those boys can wait. And after what happened, they oughta know that they should give you as much time as you want.” Jody smiled. “And just so you know, you are always welcome here if things get a little…crowded and you need to clear your head.”

“Thanks, Jody,” you said as the front door opened. The boys came in with grocery bags in hand and looked from Jody to you, concern crinkling their brows in almost identical ways.

“Dessert time!” Jody said, pushing up from the couch. You smiled and followed her to the kitchen. Though you knew you couldn’t talk to the boys just yet, you could at least smile and make small talk while you ate some ice cream.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, had a passing in the family. I am working on the next chapter, dear readers! Thank your for your patience!

Sam

Sam watched as you climbed the stairs to go to bed. You were going to sleep in Alex’s room, and he and Dean would be sleeping on the couch and floor. He felt concern worm its way through his heart at your look of utter exhaustion and the way your eyes were puffy from what he could only assume was crying.

When you were out of sight, Sam turned to Jody who was standing right behind him with her arms crossed. Sam looked past her to Dean who had a frightened look on his face.

“Uh, what’s up, Jody?” Sam asked cautiously. She turned so she could see both brothers.

“What are you two trying to do to that poor girl?” She asked, looking between the two of them.

Dean sighed loudly. Both of them had known this was coming. Sam sat down on the couch and ran his hands through his hair.

“We aren’t trying to do anything, Jodes. It just somehow became….a mess,” Sam said.

“Yeah, well, you two better clean it up. She looks like crap, and after what she told me I don’t blame her.”

“We don’t know how to fix it, Jody. She’s pissed, and she has the right to be,” Dean said. Sam looked at his brother and saw absolute devastation in his eyes. Sam knew that Dean loved you, but he had no idea that it was this deep. Sam felt a little pang of jealousy that he didn’t want to examine run through his chest.

_That’s because you know the truth, Sam. You know you don’t love her like Dean does._

Sam shook his head and ignored his inner voice.

“I don’t like to tell you boys what to do,” Jody began. Dean rolled his eyes. “But you need to give her some time and space to figure all this out, okay?”

“You’re right. And we will,” Sam said. He and Dean both knew that would be hard for them, and Sam wasn’t sure how long they could last. He just hoped you got your feelings in order before they pressured you too much and scared you away.

 

* * *

 

  
Dean

Dean laid on the couch, trying to will sleep to come. It wouldn’t, and he couldn’t stop thinking about his kiss with you. Every time he remembered the feel of your soft lips on his, his heart would beat faster. Eventually, he pulled back the covers and carefully stepped over a snoring Sam on the floor.

Dean climbed the stairs, going to the bathroom to splash some water on his face. He looked up at himself in the mirror, noticing how bloodshot his green eyes were. He looked for another moment before his eyes suddenly turned pitch black. Dean jumped back in fright before slowly returning to the mirror, looking at himself in horror.

When he looked again, though, his eyes were back to their normal green. Dean knew that the Mark was getting antsy. He hadn’t killed in a while, and things like this started happening when he didn’t.

He turned off the light and stood outside the bathroom. He was going to turn and go back down the stairs, but something made him walk quietly down the hall instead. It was as if a magnet was pulling him toward you, urging him to push open the cracked door to your room.

Dean stared at your sleeping form from the door way. He knew he was being creepy, but he couldn’t help it. He walked quietly to your bedside, watching you sleep. You looked peaceful, and it was nice to see the lines of your face smooth and not filled with anger. You rustled a little and rolled over in your sleep. Dean thought he saw your eyes open, but you were still asleep, your breathing even.

Dean turned and left before he got caught watching you. He closed the door silently and leaned against it. The new image of you sleeping had already seared itself into his brain, right along with all the other memories he had of you.

Dean crept down the stairs and crawled back under the covers on the couch. He closed his eyes and started to drift. Something about seeing you had made him relax, and it wasn’t long before sleep took him.

 ----------

Dean woke to the smell of fresh coffee and the sound of voices drifting in from the kitchen. Sam was still asleep, so he laid for a little longer, eavesdropping on the conversation between you and Jody.

“You look much better this morning, Y/N,” Jody said. Dean heard the scraping of a chair and imagined that Jody sat down at the table with you.

“I feel a little better. I actually slept. Thanks for the talk last night, Jody. I really needed that,” you responded.

Dean figured the two of you had talked when he and Sam went to get dessert the night before. He and Sam had talked, too.

“ _Dean, what are we going to do?” Sam asked, fidgeting in the front seat of the Impala._

_“I don’t know, Sammy.”_

_Sam paused for a moment before speaking. “Be honest…are you still in love with her?”_

_Dean didn’t want to answer. In his heart he knew the truth, but he didn’t want to hurt Sam. He gripped the steering wheel tight._

_“That was answer enough,” Sam said, noticing Dean’s hesitation. Dean looked at Sam, who was staring straight ahead. He wasn’t sure what the emotions on Sam’s face were. Anger? Jealousy?_

_“Regardless, we have to leave her alone. Neither of us can go after her right now. She needs time and space,” Sam said._

_“Agreed.” Dean pushed the gas pedal down hard, speeding them down the road toward town. He didn’t know how long he could stop himself from pursuing you, but he knew he would do whatever it took to get you to forgive him._

Dean shook his head to clear the memory. He didn’t want to eavesdrop anymore and end up hearing something he shouldn’t, so he stretched his arms and groaned a bit so you and Jody would know he was awake.

He sat on the edge of the couch and lightly kicked Sam so he would wake up. He groaned too, rolling over. Dean got up and walked to the kitchen, where he headed straight for the coffee pot.

“Mornin’,” he said to no one in particular.

“Good morning, Dean,” Jody responded. He looked up and smiled at Jody before looking at you. Your face wasn’t angry, but wasn’t happy either. Your y/h/c hair fell in front of your face as you looked down and smelled your coffee, your eyes closed. Dean resisted the urge to reach out and tuck it behind your ear—something he used to do when you were together.

Sam came stumbling in, his hair sticking up everywhere.

You and Jody both stifled laughs before Jody spoke. “So, y’all ready for a hunt today?”

 


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry again for the delay, ya'll. Hope you enjoy!!

You

You were having trouble shaking the dream you had. You had been laying in bed and Dean had been standing over you, watching. That sounds creepy, but you weren’t scared when you saw him. Even in the dark, you could tell that he wasn’t watching you menacingly, but lovingly. It had felt so real. But you knew it couldn’t be. Dean had always slept like a rock, so it wasn’t likely that he was watching you in your room in the middle of the night.

You looked at him in the rear view mirror from the back seat of the Impala. The four of you were heading to the last place witnesses had seen the shifter’s victim. The witnesses thought they had saw the victim, of course, but Jody had done enough research to see the shifter’s eyes flash on a security camera outside the victim’s home. She had explained earlier in the morning that she had hoped to take care of the case herself, but the shifter was too…well, shifty.

Dean looked in the rear view mirror as well and caught you staring. You blushed and quickly looked away, annoyed at yourself for letting him see you. When you turned your head, though, you noticed that Sam was watching you in the side mirror.

_Great_.

You ended up turning to Jody in the seat next to you who was wearing a sympathetic and knowing smile. You rolled your eyes a bit and looked at the window for the rest of the short ride.

“So, we all good with the plan?” Dean asked as he pulled up to an old house. Its siding had paint peeling off of it and the windows were boarded up. There was no sidewalk up to the two-story house, and there was an open mailbox—no post attached—sitting on the front porch.

Everyone nodded in response to Dean. At Jody’s house you had all agreed to separate once in the house. As soon as you saw one another at any point after that, you would immediately test each other with silver. You had all figured that if there were four of you searching the house, the shifter would be less likely to get away.

You got out of the car and headed to the trunk where Dean handed out guns with silver bullets and silver knives. You put the blade in your waistband and held the gun at the ready as the four of you approached the house.

_Here we go._

 

* * *

 

  
Sam

Sam didn’t know how things went so wrong so fast. He had come to in the basement of the old house, rubbing the spot on his head that had been hit by a shifter.

_There were more than one_.

Sam remembered seeing a shifter in front of him before being knocked out. That meant there was more than one, which they had not prepared for. He slowly lifted himself off the floor, only to find that he was locked in. The door at the top of the stairs was old, though, and he knew he could kick it in.

He felt his mind race as he kicked. Worry fluttered through him as he thought of Dean, Jody, and you, and wondered if you were all okay.

The door finally gave way and swung open with a loud crash. Luckily, the shifters hadn’t taken the silver knife Sam had in his waistband. He held it out at the ready, waiting to see if anyone came at the sound of the door.

When no one did, he inched out of the doorway and into the hall, blade at the ready. He decided to check upstairs first. He wasn’t sure where everyone had spread out to, so he figured he would work from the top down.

As he climbed the stairs he heard loud pain-filled grunts coming from one of the rooms down the hall. Sam picked up the pace, sure that the sounds were coming from Jody. When he got to the second bedroom down the hall, he saw Jody on the floor while a shifter kicked her repeatedly in the ribs.

“Take this, fucker,” he said, jamming the silver blade into the shifter’s heart from behind. It fell immediately, and Sam reached down to help Jody up.

“What do you think you’re doing? Test me!” Jody grunted through her pain.

“Why would a shifter tell me to test it?” Sam asked, slightly amused. When Jody glared at him he rolled his eyes and complied, slicing a tiny line in her arm. When nothing happened he finished getting her up and made sure she was steady before letting go.

“I think the rest of the upstairs is clear. I’m gonna go look for Dean and Y/N. Stay put, okay?” Sam said. Jody nodded, hunched over a bit and holding her ribs.

Sam quietly crept down the stairs and to the main level. It was eerily quiet, and he wasn’t sure what that meant. He checked the living room, dining room, and kitchen, and found nothing. When he saw a door at the end of the hallway outside the living room, he knew that was the last place the two of you could be.

Sam slowly opened the door, knife still held at the ready. It took a moment to register, but when he did he was seeing red.


	24. Chapter 24

You

_Shit_.

That had been your first thought when you saw that there was more than one shifter. The four of you had split up, and the fact that you saw three shifters standing in front of you in the tiny bedroom had you beginning to panic.

“I doubt this bitch was stupid enough to come alone. Go look for others,” one said. He had the identity of a short balding man, and his two accomplices (that were much taller and better looking than him) left right away.

“Oh, so you’re the fucker causing all the problems around here,” you said sharply.

“You better watch your mouth, bitch, or I’ll make your death much more painful than I have to,” he sneered through his teeth. You were holding out a gun, so you weren’t sure what the shifter thought he was going to do.

“If you haven’t noticed, I have the upper hand here.”

“Not for long,” he said, lunging at you. You didn’t have time to shoot, only to move yourself out of the way of his hurling body. He was short, sure, but he was also very thick. It was like a bowling ball coming at you.

Your gun clattered to the ground as you dove. When you landed, the shifter had gotten his footing again, and was stalking toward you. You sat up but found there was a wall at your back. You started to panic when you saw his snarling face, but it was short-lived.

A shot rang out and you closed your eyes, thinking that maybe the shifter had gotten a hold of your gun. When you felt no pain, though, you opened them to see the shifter dead on the floor in front of you.

Dean strode into the room and knelt down in front of you. “Are you okay?” He asked, his green eyes shifting between yours with concern. They then moved up and down your body, looking for any signs of injury.

“Y-Yeah. I’m okay.” You said, nodding quickly. Dean sighed in relief, his hand going up to cup your face.

“Thank God,” he said. His thumb rubbed small strokes on your cheek, and you could see an emotion on his face that you couldn’t quite place—worry? Anger? Lust?

Your confusion was answered as his eyes turned dark, and he leaned toward you. Before you could think too hard about what was happening, you found yourself kissing him passionately.

The kiss was cut short, however, when Sam’s voice echoed from the doorway.

“What the fuck is this?” He asked angrily.

You and Dean broke apart, looking up at Sam guiltily. Dean stood, his hands out in front of him. “Sam, calm down,” he said.

“Calm down? We said we’d give her time, Dean. We said we’d give her space!” After those words, he lunged forward, knocking Dean to the ground.

“Sam, stop!” You shouted. It fell on deaf ears, and Sam began punching Dean. Dean fought back, blows landing to Sam’s face and stomach. Dean pushed Sam off of him, and the two got up.

“Guys, seriously, stop it!” You yelled. You tried to get between them but Dean pushed you back forcefully, sending you into the wall. You tried to catch the breath that was expelled from your lungs.

They lunged toward each other again, this time Dean getting the upper hand. He continued to land blows, and soon Sam’s face was bloodied. He was brought to his knees, and Dean didn’t stop. You knew this wasn’t normal—something was happening to Dean.

_The Mark._

You finally caught your breath. “Dean, you have to stop! It’s the Mark, not you!”

Dean stopped for only a moment, sending a glance your way before continuing to beat his brother. You knew you had to stop him, so you lunged forward, jumping on his back.

He finally dropped Sam and began trying to get you off his back.

“Let me go, Y/N!” He bellowed has he swung you back and forth, trying to get you off. Sam laid on the floor, coughing and holding his stomach.

“No! Listen to me! He is your brother. Stop hurting him!” Dean turned around and pulled you off of him before looking at you. His eyes were nearly all pupil, and you couldn’t see the real him yet.

Dean reared back and swung his fist, landing a blow to your stomach. You fell down, the wind knocked out of you.

You took deep breaths, still trying to reach Dean even as he stalked back toward Sam.

“Dean, please,” you gasped. “It’s your brother. It’s Sammy. You love him.” You said it fairly quietly, but Dean stopped in his tracks.

He knelt down next to Sam. “Sammy, I’m sorry. The—the Mark took over. I know it’s no excuse.” He placed his hand on Sam’s arm.

Sam jerked it away and got up before walking out of the room. Dean hung his head before turning to look at you.

“Did—did I hit you?” He asked, horrified.

You kept your voice flat. “I'm fine.” You weren’t mad at him for hitting you. You knew that he was out of control from the Mark. You also knew, though, that you coming between the brothers was going to be a bigger problem than you thought.

You got up as well, and walked out toward the car. Jody was already there, along with Sam. You got in the back seat and sat silently for the ride home, the whole while thinking of and dreading what you were going to do next.

 


	25. Chapter 25

Dean

Dean woke after having slept deeply all night. He was surprised by this, especially since Sam was still pissed at him. He thought his guilt would keep him awake.

When you had gotten back to the bunker the night before, the three of you had gone silently to your own rooms. Dean couldn't believe the shit-show that was the hunt the day before. Everything had gone wrong, and to make matters worse Dean lost control with both you and Sam.

He had kissed you. And while he loved kissing you, he had broken the rule he and Sam had made. He didn't know why he did it—he just saw that you were okay and couldn't help himself. Then when Sam came after him, the Mark just took over. Killing the shifters had helped quell some of that wanting, but it apparently wasn't enough. He thought nothing would stop him.

Nothing did. Except you.

Your voice broke through, and he was able to stop. He didn't know why…or that's what he told himself. If he was being honest, he knew why.

Dean got out of his bed and headed to the kitchen. He found Sam there, reading a newspaper with his coffee. Before Sam even knew he was there, he began apologizing.

“Man, I'm so sorry. I broke our rule, and that was stupid and fucked up. Plus, ya know, beating the shit out of you. I'm so fucking sorry.”

Sam turned to look at him, his face still swollen and bruised. He gave Dean a small smile and motioned for him to sit down.

“I need to apologize too, Dean. Honestly, the physical pain from yesterday kept me up last night, and it was a good thing. It gave me time to think,” Sam said.

Dean sat down across from him. “About what?”

Sam sighed deeply. “I think deep down I knew this already, but everything that's happened with Y/N…it was for the wrong reasons.”

Dean’s heart sped up. “What do you mean?”

“Listen, I've always loved Y/N, and I always will. But I know it isn't the kind of love she needs. It isn't what I need. And—and I was jealous, Dean.”

“Jealous?” Dean asked, confused.

“Yeah. I mean, she picked you. She picked you years ago. And man, as much as I tried to pretend it was cool…you got all the girls our whole life. And then you got my best friend. So when I got the chance, I jumped at it. And we had fun. But I don’t think either of us were _in_ love with each other, you know?”

Dean nodded. He felt a little relief at what Sam said. It covered the immense guilt momentarily.

“Dean…you two should be together.”

Dean shook his head. “No, Sam. Even if she could forgive me…I couldn’t do that to you.”

“Dean. Look at me.” Dean looked up at Sam. “I see the way you look at her. And even though she’s mad, I can see the way she looks at you, too. You should go for it.”

Dean smiled and let his head drop. “Thanks, Sam. But I’ve got to get her to forgive me first.”

Sam chuckled, then looked at the clock on the wall. “Hey, isn’t she usually up by now?” He asked.

Dean looked at the clock, too. “Yeah. I’m just gonna go see if she’s awake. She’s probably just avoiding us.”

Sam nodded and Dean got up from the table. He walked down the hall, nervous about what he was going to say to you. He knew you were mad, but the two kisses you had shared were…incredible. He was hoping that meant you were warming up to him.

Dean got to your bedroom and knocked on the door. When he did, though, it creaked open a bit.

“Y/N?” Dean asked, slowly pushing it open. When he did he saw that your bed was made, and you weren’t there. His heart sped up as a feeling of dread came over him. When he saw the little white piece of paper on your dresser, he knew he wouldn’t like what he was about to read.

 


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little filler chapter. Good stuff coming, I promise ;)

You

_Sam and Dean:_

_I had to go. I can’t get in between the two of you, I love you both too much for that. No matter what either of you did in the past, just know that I will always care. Find happiness, and don’t come looking for me._

_Y/N_

You thought of the note you had left the boys as you sped down the highway. They would be pissed, that much you knew. But you _had_ to go. You couldn’t come between them. You wouldn’t.

You had never had a brother or sister. Watching Sam and Dean’s relationship as you grew up had made you jealous. They fought, of course. But above all, they were there for each other. They had each other through every hardship they ever endured, which was something you had wished for over and over. So you couldn’t let them lose that.

You turned up the music in your car as loud as it could go so you could drown out your thoughts. You didn’t want them to convince you to turn around.

 

\---------

  
When you pulled up to Jody’s house, she spread her arms wide as soon as she opened the door. You let her hug you, trying to hold back your tears.

“I had a feeling I might see you after what happened the other day,” she said, stroking your back.

“I promise it’s just for a bit, Jodes. I’ll find somewhere to go and I’ll be out of your hair.”

“Don’t you even worry about it. We have plenty of room.” You followed her into the house and sat your duffel down in front of the couch before sinking into it. You sighed, putting your head in your hands.

“Wanna tell me what happened in the last 48 hours?” Jody said, sitting down next to you.

You turned your head toward her, peeking through your fingers. “Ugh…”

“That good, huh?”

“Well, honestly, we didn’t even talk. We were all silent the entire drive home. Then we went in our rooms, and I left when they were still asleep,” you explained.

“You…you didn’t even say goodbye?” Jody asked.

“No,” you said, hiding your face again. “If I had said goodbye, they would have tried to make me stay.”

“Would that have been the worst thing?” Jody asked gently.

“You saw what happened, Jody. I couldn’t let that continue. They need each other, more than anything. And I can’t get in-between that.”

“True. But…did you ever think that maybe they need you, too?”

You sighed again, your eyes welling up with tears. “I just…I can’t, Jody.”

“Well it’s okay, you don’t have to do anything right now. You all need some space right now anyway,” she said, stroking your back.

“Thanks, Jody.” You yawned, and she stood up.

“I’ll let you get some rest. We’ll talk more tomorrow,” she said, giving you a quick peck on the cheek. She turned off the little light next to the couch and you laid down, your eyelids already drooping. You fell asleep quickly, sleeping dreamlessly, for which you were grateful.

\--------

  
Dean

_She’s here, and she’s okay. Probably just needs time._

Dean read Jody’s text over and over, wishing it would say something different. He knew that you would probably go there first.

You had ignored all of his and Sam’s texts, and they knew your phone was probably off since it kept going straight to voicemail. Dean had tried calling Jody to explain, but when she answered she immediately told him she wasn’t going to get in the middle of anything. She did promise that she’d let them know when you were safe, though.

“Sam, I have to go get her.”

Sam closed his eyes and shook his head, watching Dean pace in the same spot he had been for hours. “Dean, we’ve been over this. If you go now, she’ll bolt before you even get one word out.”

“So, what, we just let her go? God only knows where she’ll go after she leaves Jody’s!” Dean yelled. He could feel the mark on his arm warming up, and told himself to calm down.

“Dean, she’ll talk to you when she’s ready,” Sam replied.

“How do you know?”

“Because she’s my best friend! Don’t forget that, Dean. As close as the two of you were, I have been close to her for longer and more recently. So please, just have a little faith.”

Dean closed his eyes, stopping his pacing. “Alright, Sammy. If you say so.”

 


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is short, but I promise the next chapter will be longer!

You

You slammed the axe down into the wood as if it could take all your anger and confusion with it.

With every hit, though, all you could see was Dean’s face staring back at you; Sam’s worried eyes looking at you with pity.

_You should just go back._

No. You couldn’t go back. You had promised that you wouldn’t come between the brothers.

You sat down the axe and looked at your hands. They were calloused and bleeding. You hadn’t realized how long you had been out cutting wood. Jody whistled at you from the front of the house, and you walked over to her.

“Want some lemonade? Geez, I’m gonna get you a first aid kit. You didn’t have to literally work your fingers to the bone, girl!” Jody said, looking at your bloodied hands as you approached.

She dragged you inside and tended to your hands. When she was done, she looked up at you with a serious ‘mom’ face.

“Your phone has been going off nearly non-stop,” she said.

“I’m sure it has,” you said with a sigh.

“Y/N, maybe you should at least hear them out.”

“Jody, if I do they are just going to find a way to get me to come back and the same thing will keep happening,” you said, shaking your head.

“But how do you know that unless you give them a chance?”

You sighed, not even sure you had a good answer for that. “Okay,” you said, closing your eyes. “I’ll give them a chance. But if my life is ruined, I’m blaming you,” you said sarcastically. Jody laughed and nudged into you with her shoulder.

\-------- 

Dean

Dean had lost count of the days since you’d left. He knew that in reality it hadn’t been more than a few, but it felt like more than he could count. How could he have been so stupid?

The mark was getting the best of him, and he knew it. He wished there was some way to just magically get rid of it, but obviously that idea had been worn out. Even if you did come back, what would Dean do? He knew he would be dangerous for you to be around.

_Stop thinking like that, asshole. Thinking you know what’s best for Y/N is what got you into this mess in the first place._

Dean had been laying in his bed for hours, too depressed to get up. He kept his phone close just in case he heard anything from you, but he was starting to give up hope.

No sooner had he thought this than his phone chimed with a notification. Dean jumped so high he nearly fell out of his bed. He opened the text, and his heart set to racing.

_Meet me._

The two words were accompanied by an address Dean knew was halfway between the bunker and Jody’s. He jumped up, ready to race to the Impala as fast as he could. Before he could even get to the door, Sam threw it open, holding his phone up. He had gotten the same message.

“She wants to meet!” He said excitedly.

Dean felt his smile grow. “I know. C’mon, Sammy. Let’s try not to fuck this up,” Dean said, patting Sam on the back as they walked toward the garage.

 


	28. Chapter 28

You

You sat in a dirty booth at the diner that was located in the middle of nowhere twiddling your thumbs nervously. You had no idea what you were going to say to the brothers when you saw them. They both meant so much to you, and you knew you could never choose one only to lose the other.

The slender red-headed waitress came over for what felt like the hundredth time to ask if you needed anything. You had been sipping on the same cup of coffee for an hour. It was cold now, but you didn’t want anything else for fear that you may throw it right back up.

“You sure he’s comin’, honey?” The waitress asked with a southern drawl. She had clearly assumed you were being stood up for a date.

“I’m not, actually,” you said sadly.

“Well, if he don’t show up, it looks like there’s a few good replacement candidates,” she said, staring out the large window next to the booth.

You turned your head to see Sam and Dean climbing out of the Impala, both of their eyes locked on you. You looked between them, your heart in your throat. Both of them smiled so big you were sure you could see all their teeth.

You sat still, unsure of what to do. It felt like hours passed before Sam lifted his hand and waved for you to come outside. The waitress did a double-take before realizing the boys were waving to you.

“I-I’ll be back,” you said as you shakily slid out of the booth.

You walked to the door and pushed it open, the little bell that hung over the door ringing as you did. You had walked maybe three paces when you felt yourself being swept up. Dean was crushing you into his chest and spinning you around. You felt your smile grow, and before your feet even touched the ground his mouth was on yours.

The kiss was desperate and wanting. Without saying a word Dean conveyed how much he missed you and if you weren’t mistaken, how much he loved you.

You returned the kiss threefold. Any worries you had about Sam were cast aside as you grabbed the back of Dean’s neck and ran your fingers into his hair.

When you finally pulled apart, you looked at Dean’s mossy eyes and saw nothing but affection and guilt. It was a strange combination, but one you had come to know as a regular look of his.

When you pulled your eyes away and looked at Sam, he was leaning against baby, still smiling from ear to ear. You took Dean’s hand and walked over to him.

“So?” You asked, not sure what he was thinking.

“So,” he said. He walked over to you and pulled you into a bear hug, nothing sexual about it. You knew immediately that the brothers had worked something out—and that you had your best friend back.

Without saying another word, the three of you walked into the diner and sat at your booth. You felt the eyes of all the other patrons on you and knew they had all seen the passionate kiss between you and Dean.

It didn’t matter. You were too happy to care. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is the last chapter. I'm sorry if it's a little anticlimactic...I just felt that the journey of these characters was over. Please check out my other stories! Thank you all for reading!!


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